2
THORNTON MELON
Listen, Sherlock. While you were tucked away up here working on your ethics, I was out there busting my hump in the REAL world. And the reason guys like you got a place to teach is 'cause guys like me donate buildings.
1
THORNTON MELON
Girls, this is Lou. Lou, these are girls.
1
THORNTON MELON
Boy, what a great-looking place. When I used to dream about going to college, this is the way I always pictured it.
JASON MELON
Wait a minute. When did you dream about going to college?
THORNTON MELON
When I used to fall asleep in high school.
0
THORNTON MELON
Now that's what I call Marine Biology!
0
THORNTON MELON
Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes.
0
THORNTON MELON
[television commercial] Hi there. Are you a large person? Pleasantly plump? A little on the hefty side, perhaps? Well, let's face it: Are you FAT? When you go jogging, do you leave pot-holes? When you make love, do you have to give directions? At the zoo, do the elephants throw YOU peanuts? Do you look at a menu and say 'OK'? Well, now, you can eat all you want, because at Thornton Melon's "Tall & Fat" stores, we've got you covered. That's right. Fine woolen, and woolen-blend suits and sport coats, in all the larger sizes - husky, stout, extra-stout, and the new Hindenburg line. And for you ladies we have caftans, muumuus, and our own exclusive A-frame in all colors and patterns. Yes, we have miles and miles of fabric. So take it from me, Thornton Melon, if you want to look thin, you hang out with fat people.
0
TRENDY MAN
Mr. Melon, your wife was just showing us her Klimt.
THORNTON MELON
You too, huh? She's shown it to everybody.
TRENDY MAN
Well, she's very proud of it.
THORNTON MELON
I'm proud of mine too. I don't go waving it around at parties, though.
TRENDY MAN
It's an exceptional painting.
THORNTON MELON
Oh, the painting.
0
SECURITY GUARD
Perfectly understandable, Mr. Melon. It was an honest mistake. Let's just call it a a bad day...
THORNTON MELON
- but a great view! You're all right, officer. Here, a little something for the kids.
SECURITY GUARD
I don't have any kids.
THORNTON MELON
No kids? Well, get yourself some kids. Take it all.
THORNTON MELON
And just remember, the best thing about kids... is making them!
0
THORNTON MELON
What's your favorite subject?
BUBBLES
Poetry.
THORNTON MELON
Really? Well, maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow.
0
THORNTON MELON
Home, Sweet Home.
LOU
I liked the old house better.
THORNTON MELON
So did I.
LOU
I liked the old wife better, too!
THORNTON MELON
[laughs] Lay off Vanessa. She gives great headache. Lou, I can't believe it. Married five years. Seems like yesterday!
THORNTON MELON
[sighs] And you know what a lousy day yesterday was.