0
PROFESSOR TERGUSON
You remember that thing we had about 30 years ago called the Korean conflict? And how we failed to achieve victory? How come we didn't cross the 38th parallel and push those rice-eaters back to the Great Wall of China?
PROFESSOR TERGUSON
[rips a desk apart] Then take the fucking wall apart
PROFESSOR TERGUSON
brick by brick and nuke them back into the fucking stone age forever? Tell me why! How come? Say it! Say it!
THORNTON MELON
[incensed] All right. I'll say it. 'Cause Truman was too much of a *pussy wimp* to let MacArthur go in there
THORNTON MELON
and blow out those Commie bastards!
PROFESSOR TERGUSON
Good answer. Good answer. I like the way you think. I'm gonna be watching you.
THORNTON MELON
[chuckling to his classmates] Good teacher. He really seems to care. About what I have no idea.
0
DIANE
Whoever *did* write this doesn't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut!
THORNTON MELON
[on the phone]... and *another* thing, Vonnegut! I'm gonna stop payment on the cheque!
THORNTON MELON
Fuck me? Hey, Kurt, can you read lips, *fuck you*! Next time I'll call Robert Ludlum! [hangs up]
0
DEAN MARTIN
[begins questioning] Mr. Melon, I'm only going to ask you once:
DEAN MARTIN
...Is this your work?
THORNTON MELON
I can't lie to you, Dean Martin
THORNTON MELON
...Yes, it is.
0
THORNTON MELON
[sees a naked women taking a shower after opening the curtain mistakenly]... I didn't see anything. [opens the curtain again]... Honey, you're perfect.
0
JASON MELON
AAAHHH! Dad, uh... what are you doing here?
THORNTON MELON
I'm robbing your room! That's what I'm doing here.
THORNTON MELON
[to Lou] We drive 300 miles to see the kid, that's the greeting we get. Ha!
THORNTON MELON
[to Jason] Come here, will ya? Ha ha ha.
THORNTON MELON
Heya. How ya doing?
0
VANESSA
You're impossible!
THORNTON MELON
And you're easy.
0
VANESSA
Millicent, you look charming. I love your dress. Don't YOU, Thornton? It's such a LOVELY shade of GREEN.
THORNTON MELON
Yeah, if that dress had pockets, you'd look like a pool table. You should try my Tall & Fat stores. No offense.
0
VANESSA
You have NO class, Thornton, and I am TIRED of it! I want a divorce.
THORNTON MELON
Divorce. I knew we had something in common.
THORNTON MELON
[reaches in his coat and takes out papers] Here, sign these.
VANESSA
[scoffs] Oh! Oh, I'm afraid it's not gonna be that easy, honey. This is gonna cost you - PLENTY!
THORNTON MELON
[chuckles and takes Polaroids out of his pocket] Oh, yeah? Vanessa, let's talk about class for a minute, alright? Here's you and Giorgio in the guest room. A little classy, isn't it? Here's you and Giorgio in the rumpus room. Another classy one, huh? Ooh, this one, I can't figure out. There's you, there's Giorgio... What's with the midget over here?
THORNTON MELON
Hey, wait! I've got more!
0
THORNTON MELON
Please, try to understand. I don't have the background for this. I mean, the high school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity, he threw the teacher out the window!
0
DIANE
Don't you ever read?
THORNTON MELON
Read. Who has time? I see the movie. I'm in and out in two hours.