4
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After you get there you're on your own.
2
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
[singing] If any form of pleasure is exhibited, report to me and it will be prohibited! I'll put my foot down, so shall it be... this is the land of the free! The last man nearly ruined this place he didn't know what to do with it. If you think this country's bad off now, just wait till I get through with it! The country's taxes must be fixed, and I know what to do with it. If you think you're paying too much now, just wait till I get through with it!
1
MRS. TEASDALE
Oh, your Excellency!
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
You're not so bad yourself.
1
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
Go, and never darken my towels again!
1
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
Now, what is it that has four pairs of pants, lives in Philadelphia, and it never rains but it pours?
CHICOLINI
Atsa good one. I give you three guesses.
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
Now let me see. Has four pair of pants, lives in Philadelphia... Is it male or female?
CHICOLINI
No, I no think so.
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
Is he dead?
CHICOLINI
Who?
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
I don't know. I give up.
CHICOLINI
I give up, too.
1
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
You're a brave man. Go and break through the lines. And remember, while you're out there risking your life and limb through shot and shell, we'll be in be in here thinking what a sucker you are.
0
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
[on the phone] Get me headquarters. Not hindquarters, headquarters!
0
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
Lieutenant, why weren't the original indictment papers placed in my portfolio?
BOB ROLAND
Why, uh, I didn't think those papers were important at this time, your excellency.
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
You didn't think they were important? Do you realize I had my dessert wrapped in those papers?
0
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
How would you like a job in the mint?
CHICOLINI
Mint? No, no, I no like a mint. Uh, what other flavor you got?
0
BOB ROLAND
We've got to get rid of that man at once. Now I've got a plan. You say something to make him mad, and he'll strike you... and we'll force him to leave the country.
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
That's a swell plan... why couldn't you arrange for me to strike him?
BOB ROLAND
Ambassador Trentino is a very sensitive man. Perhaps if you insult him. He's very easy to insult. Why, I said something to Vera Marcal in his presence once, and he slapped my face.
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
Why didn't Vera slap your face?
BOB ROLAND
She did.
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
What'd you say to her?
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Where'd you hear that story?
BOB ROLAND
Why, you told it to me.
RUFUS T. FIREFLY
Oh yes, I remember. I should have slapped Mrs. Teasdale's face when she told it to me.