1
VOICE OF THE ANNOUNCER
Meanwhile, back at Snidely's not-so-secret hideout...
0
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
[after boulders come rolling down the hill at them] That's not fair! They've got rocks! All we've got are these machine guns. Oh, mother of pearl, here comes another one.
0
HOWARD
Well, here's the money, but where's the gold?
KENNETH
Whiplash took it.
BARRY
Where is Whiplash?
HOWARD
He's gotta be here somewhere.
SHANE
[shouting] Snidely?
HOWARD
He took off with all the gold. All we have is this measly $26,000.
BARRY
We gotta find Whip. He's tricked us.
HOWARD
And when we do, we're gonna kill him... reeeeeeally slowly.
KENNETH
Yeah, but where is he, huh?
BARRY
Now, that's a good question.
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
[from behind a mask] I heard he was in the Sudan.
BARRY
Where's that?
HOWARD
In Africa, stupid.
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
He's supposed to be at the Hilton Hotel.
HOWARD
The Hilton, eh?
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
Mmm.
HOWARD
Come on, boys! Let's go get him! [all the bad guys rush out]
0
VOICE OF THE ANNOUNCER
Meanwhile, at an abandoned gold mine, a sinister figure lurks.
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
I love to lurk. It's so me. [chuckles]
0
ANCHOR
And this just in. Scientists discover that Canadian bacon is ordinary ham.
0
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
[referring to all the out-of-country license plates] California, Georgia, [with Hispanic accent] Puerto Rico - [chuckles] But where are the Canadians?
LAVAR
Canadians like to think things over before they do something. Americans just jump.
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
And thank goodness they do. Did you like the way I pronounced "Puerto Rico"?
LAVAR
Yeah.
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
I speak a little Spanish.
LAVAR
You're the complete package, Whip.
0
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
Shane!
SHANE
Yes, Mr. Whiplash?
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
Drinks on the house.
SHANE
Yes, sir.
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
No, wait a second. Drinks are 50% off.
SHANE
Right.
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
No, wait a second. Double the price of everything! [chuckles]
0
DUDLEY DO-RIGHT
You got weapons?
STANDING ROOM ONLY
Weapons? Come on. This is basically a dinner theater we're runnin' here.
DUDLEY DO-RIGHT
You got fireworks?
CHIEF
That we got.
0
STANDING ROOM ONLY
That's the last of the fireworks. Now what?
CHIEF
We'll take to the forest and throw rocks at them.
DUDLEY DO-RIGHT
Rocks?
CHIEF
What else can we do?
0
SHANE
General Whiplash, the village is ours.
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
Torch it, Shane. Burn everything.
SHANE
Yes, sir. [salutes]
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
No. Wait a minute. That's bad publicity. Have the photographers take pictures of the boys straightening up the place.
SHANE
You got it. [runs off]
SNIDELY K. 'WHIP' WHIPLASH
[to himself] Learn from history or repeat it.