22
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
What is this Mickey Mouse shit? What in the name of Jesus H. Christ are you animals doing in my head? Why is Private Pyle out of his bunk after lights-out? Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon? Why aren't you stomping Private Pyle's guts out?
PRIVATE JOKER
Sir, it is the private's duty to inform the senior drill instructor that Private Pyle has a full magazine that is locked and loaded, Sir!
4
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
Do any of you people know where these individuals learned how to shoot?... Private Joker.
PRIVATE JOKER
Sir. In the Marines, Sir.
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
In the Marines. Outstanding. Those individuals showed what one motivated Marine and his rifle can do. And before you ladies leave my Island, you will all be able to do the same thing.
3
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
[singing] Mama and Papa were laying in bed!
RECRUITS
[singing] Mama and Papa were laying in bed!
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
[singing] Mama rolled over this is what she said
RECRUITS
[singing] Mama rolled over this is what she said
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
[singing] 'Oh, give me some...
RECRUITS
[singing] 'Oh, give me some...
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
P.T.
RECRUITS
P.T.
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
Good for you
RECRUITS
Good for you
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
Good for me!
RECRUITS
Good for me!
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
Mmm, good!
RECRUITS
Mmm, good!
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
[singing] Up in the morning to the rising sun!
RECRUITS
[singing] Up in the morning to the rising sun!
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
[singing] Gotta run all day... till the running's done!
RECRUITS
[singing] Gotta run all day... till the running's done!
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
Ho Chi Minh is a son of a bitch!
RECRUITS
Ho Chi Minh is a son of a bitch!
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
Got the blueballs, crabs and the seven-year itch!
RECRUITS
Got the blueballs, crabs and the seven-year itch!
3
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
What's your sixth general order?
PRIVATE JOKER
Sir, the private's sixth general order is to receive, obey, and pass on to the sentry who relieves me... all orders - Sir, the private's sixth general order - Sir, the private has been instructed, but he does not know, sir!
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
You slimy scumbag! Get on your face and give me 25.
PRIVATE JOKER
Sir, aye-aye, sir!
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
How many counts in that movement you just executed?
PRIVATE GOMER PYLE
[hard and firm tone] Sir, four counts, sir!
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
What's the idea of looking down in the chamber?
PRIVATE GOMER PYLE
Sir, that is to guarantee that the private is not giving the inspecting officer a loaded weapon, sir!
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
What's your fifth general order?
PRIVATE GOMER PYLE
Sir, the private's fifth general order is to quit my post only when properly relieved, sir!
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
What's this weapon's name, Private Pyle?
PRIVATE GOMER PYLE
Sir, the private's weapon's name is Charlene, sir!
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
Private Pyle, you are definitely born again hard! Hell, I may even allow you to serve as a rifleman in my beloved Corps.
PRIVATE GOMER PYLE
Sir, yes, sir!
2
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
Pick 'em up and set 'em down Pyle!
2
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
[chanting] This is my rifle.
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
[grabbing his crotch] This is my gun.
MARINES
This is for fighting.
MARINES
[grabbing their crotches] This is for fun.
2
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
(Sarcastically to Private "Pyle", who is struggling up an obstacle) Private Pyle, whatever you do, don't fall down, it would break my fucking heart! (Pyle reaches the top, and pauses) Well, what are you waiting for, up and over! (Pyle pauses) Are you quitting on me? ARE YOU QUITTING ON ME?! Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT! Or I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!
1
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
What's your excuse?
PRIVATE COWBOY
Sir, excuse for what, sir?
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
I'm asking the fucking questions here private. Do you understand?
PRIVATE COWBOY
Sir, yes, sir.
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
Well thank you very much, can I be in charge for a while?
1
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
Did your parents have any children that lived?
PRIVATE GOMER PYLE
Sir, yes, sir.
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
I bet they regret that. You're so ugly you can be a modern art master piece! What's your name fat buddy?
PRIVATE GOMER PYLE
Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir.
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
Lawrence? Lawrence what... of Arabia?
PRIVATE GOMER PYLE
Sir, no, sir.
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
That name sounds like royalty. Are you royalty?
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
Do you suck dicks?
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
Bullshit. I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
I don't like the name Lawrence, only faggots and sailors are called Lawrence. From now on you're Gomer Pyle.
1
GUNNERY SERGEANT HARTMAN
Oh that's right, Private Pyle, don't make any fucking effort to get to the top of the fucking obstacle. If God would have wanted you up there he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he?