1
PRIME MINISTER
Oh dear, it's the Chancellor of the Exchequer on the other line.
KAREN
No, it isn't.
PRIME MINISTER
I'll call you back.
KAREN
No, you won't.
0
KAREN
So what's this big news, then?
DAISY
[excited] We've been given our parts in the nativity play. And I'm the lobster.
KAREN
The lobster?
DAISY
Yeah!
KAREN
In the nativity play?
DAISY
[beaming] Yeah, *first* lobster.
KAREN
There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?
DAISY
Duh.
0
KAREN
Get a grip, people hate sissies. No-one's ever gonna shag you if you cry all the time.
0
DANIEL
I'm afraid that there's somethin' really wrong, you know. I mean, clearly it's about his mum, but Christ, he might be injecting heroin into his eyeballs for all I know.
KAREN
At the age of eleven?
DANIEL
Well, maybe not his eyeballs, then. Maybe just his veins.
0
KAREN
Mia's very pretty.
HARRY
[nonchalantly but unconvincingly] Is she?
KAREN
You know she is, darling. Be careful there.
0
KAREN
Loitering around the jewelry section, I see!
HARRY
No. I was just looking around.
KAREN
Don't worry, my expectations are not that high after 13 years of Mr. "Oh-but-you-always-LOVE-scarves"! Actually, I do love this one.
0
DAISY
We've been given our parts in the nativity play! And I'm the lobster!
KAREN
The Lobster?
DAISY
Yeah!
KAREN
In the nativity play?
DAISY
Yeah! First Lobster!
KAREN
There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?
DAISY
Duh!
0
KAREN
Tell me, if you were in my position, what would you do?
HARRY
What position is that?
KAREN
Imagine your husband bought a gold necklace, and come Christmas gave it to somebody else...
HARRY
Oh, Karen...
KAREN
Would you wait around to find out...
PARENT
Good night!
KAREN
Night, night. Happy Christmas!
KAREN
Would you wait around to find out if it's just a necklace, or if it's sex and a necklace, or if, worst of all, it's a necklace and love? Would you stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run?
HARRY
Oh, God. I am so in the wrong. The classic fool!
KAREN
[voice breaking] Yes, but you've also made a fool out of me, and you've made the life I lead foolish, too!
0
KAREN
True love lasts a lifetime.
0
KAREN
Now which doll shall we give Daisy's little friend Emily? The one that looks like a transvestite or the one that looks like a dominatrix?