0
RHONDA
Sorry, Mum. You know I love you, but you drive me crazy. And you three, what a bunch of cocksuckers.
0
MURIEL
He said if I ever left him, he would find out who I was living with and shoot them. Then, he'd shoot me, then himself.
RHONDA
Shit, he really loved you, didn't he?
0
RHONDA
I had cancer... it's all right, they cut it out.
CHERYL
You were so full of life.
RHONDA
I'm not DEAD, Cheryl.
0
RHONDA
You're right, you are a new person, and you stink. "Mariel VanArkle" stinks. And she's not half the person Muriel Heslop was.
0
MURIEL
When I lived in Porpoise Spit, no one looked at me. But when I moved to Sydney, Brice asked me out and that proves that I changed and I'm not her anymore.
RHONDA
Her?
MURIEL
Muriel! Muriel Heslop. Stupid, fat and useless. I hate her! I'm never going back to being her again! Why can't it be me? Why can't I be the one?
0
RHONDA
[regarding her tumor] How did I get it? I mean, it's nothing to do with too much sex, is it?
0
RHONDA
I've seen your book. You've tried on every dress in Sydney!
MURIEL
That doesn't mean I'm gonna get married.
RHONDA
Then what DOES it mean?
MURIEL
It means I WANT to get married. I've always wanted to get married.
0
RHONDA
Cancer? Oh my God! I am gonna go bald and have to eat macrobiotic food!
0
BRIDAL MANAGERESS #2
Now, now, now... just a minute. You can't come in here and threaten brides. I don't care how unfortunate, you are!
RHONDA
Fuck off!
0
RHONDA
Are you Muriel Heslop?
MURIEL
No.
RHONDA
Yes, you are!
MURIEL
Why?
RHONDA
I dunno why, you just are.