0
HEAD ELF
Hermey! Aren't you finished painting that yet? There's a pile up a mile wide behind you! What's eating you, boy?
HERMEY
Not happy with my work, I guess.
HEAD ELF
What?
HERMEY
I just don't like to make toys.
HEAD ELF
Oh well if that's all... What? You don't like to make toys?
HERMEY
Nnno.
HEAD ELF
[to the other elves] Hermey doesn't like to make toys!
ELVES
[whispering to each other] Hermey doesn't like to make toys. Shame on you!
HEAD ELF
Do you mind telling me what you do want to do?
HERMEY
Well, sir, someday, I'd like to be a... a dentist.
HEAD ELF
A - dentist?
HERMEY
Well, we need one up here. I've been studying. It's fascinating; you've no idea. Molars and bicuspids and incisors...
HEAD ELF
[interuppts] Now listen, you: you're an elf, and elves make toys. Now, get to work!
HEAD ELF
Ten minute break!
HEAD ELF
Not for you! Finish the job, or you're fired!
0
HEAD ELF
That sounded terrible! The tenor section was weak!
ELF
Wasn't our fault, boss. Hermey didn't show up.
HEAD ELF
What?
-1
HEAD ELF
Okay, you can open a dentist office, next week, after Christmas.
HERMEY
Come here. Open your mouth.
HEAD ELF
[opens his mouth] Ah...
HERMEY
Oh, my! I'd better set an appointment up for you a week from Tuesday, 4:30 sharp!
-1
HEAD ELF
Why weren't you at elf practice?
HERMEY
Just fixing these dolls' teeth.
HEAD ELF
Just fixing...? Now listen: we have dolls that cry, talk, walk, blink and run a temperature. We don't need any chewing dolls!
HERMEY
But I just thought I'd find a way to - to fit in.
HEAD ELF
You'll never fit in! Now you come to elf practice, learn how to wiggle your ears, chuckle warmly, go "Hee-Hee" and "Ho-Ho", and important stuff like that. A dentist! Good grief! [slams door]
-1
HEAD ELF
All up for elf practice!
SANTA CLAUS
Well, let's get this over with. I have to go down and look over the new deer.
HEAD ELF
[in a different voice] Okay, Santa. [to the elves] Now let's try out the new elf song I wrote. And remember, it's for Santa. [starts conducting] And a one-a, and a two-a, and a three-a!