4
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
This... you film your entire high school experience and what, post it on the 'net?
ROBBIE
Everybody will be doing it some day.
CHARLIE WALKER
It's kind of the one component the killer is missing.
GALE WEATHERS-RILEY
Wait, what do you mean?
CHARLIE WALKER
Well, if you wanna be the new, new version, the killer should be filming the murders.
ROBBIE
Yeah, it's like the natural next step in the psycho-slasher innovation. I mean you film them all real-time and before you get caught, you upload them into cyberspace.
CHARLIE WALKER
Making your art as immortal as you.
CHARLIE WALKER
[speaking same time as Robbie] Not to implicate him.
ROBBIE
[speaking same time as Charlie] Not to implicate me.
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
So who do you think is doing the murders.
CHARLIE WALKER
Well, it's a Stab fanatic clearly. Working on less of a Shrequel and more of a Screamake.
ROBBIE
Copyright terms, by the way.
CHARLIE WALKER
Cause all there are now are remakes. Only horror studios green-light. I mean, there are still rules, but the rules have changed. The unexpected is the new cliche.
ROBBIE
Yeah, you gotta have an opening sequence, that blows the doors off, gallop some music video direction and the kill's gotta be way more extreme.
CHARLIE WALKER
Modern audiences get sappy to the rules of the original. So, the reverse has become the new standard. In fact, the only sure-fire way to survive a modern horror movie, you pretty much gotta be gay.
GALE WEATHERS-RILEY
So, why are you so sure that the killer is working by the rules of a horror remake?
ROBBIE
Well, the original Stab structure is pretty apparent.
CHARLIE WALKER
Yeah, two kids killed in a house when their parents are away?
ROBBIE
And, then the school's 'hot chick' savage beyond recognition.
CHARLIE WALKER
We all know where it goes from there...?
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
A party.
CHARLIE WALKER
Exactly. A party. Guaranteed third-act-main-cast bloodbath.
ROBBIE
Fingers crossed on some nudity for a change.
2
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
Even your friends.
JILL ROBERTS
My friends? What world are you living in? I don't need friends. I need fans. Don't you get it? This has never been about killing you? It's about becoming you. I mean, for fuck's sake, my own mother had to die, no great loss there, so I could stay true to the original. That's sick, right? Well, sick is the new sane. You had your 15 minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college? Grad school? Work? Look around. We all live in public now, we're all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous any more? You don't have to achieve anything. You just gotta have fucked up-shit happen to you. So you have to die, Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There's only room for one lead, and let's face it, your ingenue days, they're over.
1
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
You forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill. Don't fuck with the original!
0
GALE WEATHERS-RILEY
OK, but can I just have one final word?
JILL ROBERTS
What? "Please"?
GALE WEATHERS-RILEY
No. Clear
JILL ROBERTS
Clear?
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
[Sidney is holding a defibrillator to Jill's head] Clear. [Zaps Jill]
0
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
What?
THE VOICE
Welcome home, Sidney. Preview of coming events.
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
Why don't you come for me, you got the balls for that?
THE VOICE
Oh, poor Sidney. You think this is all about you? You think you're still the star?
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
This isn't a fucking movie.
THE VOICE
It will be.
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
These are innocent people.
THE VOICE
Spare me the lecture! You've done very well by all this bloodshed haven't you? Well, how about the town you left behind. I've got plans for you. I'm gonna slit your eyelids in half so you don't blink when I stab you in the face. You'll die when I want you to, Sidney, not a moment before. Until then, you're going to suffer! [ghostface hangs up]
0
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
Roberts residence.
THE VOICE
You're a survivor aren't you, Sidney? Your one and only skill, you survive. I have one question for you: What good is it to be a survivor in this little drama if everyone close to you is dead.
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
Who are you?
THE VOICE
Turn on the TV to channel six.
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
Who the fuck are you?
THE VOICE
Turn it on. Watch the teaser.
REPORTER #5
...turned deadly tonight with the latest victim of these attacks being the wife of the Woodsboro Sheriff Gale Riley, aka Gale Weathers, who is in serious condition tonight after being stabbed. Her assailant disappeared in a sea of identity...
THE VOICE
Glad you came home Sidney? Has it been worth it yet?
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
Why are you doing this?
THE VOICE
Ah, friends count, but it's family ties that cut deep.
THE VOICE
Am I right?
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
What do you mean?
THE VOICE
The ones you care about most. And what's closer than family, the bond of blood?
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
Don't.
THE VOICE
You can't save them, all you can do is watch. [laughs; Sidney throws phone away]
-1
JILL ROBERTS
Is this how it's gonna be, Sid? The ending of the movie was suppose to be at the house. I mean, this is just silly.
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
Consider this an alternative ending. You're never gonna get out of this, Jill.
JILL ROBERTS
Of course I will.
-3
SIDNEY PRESCOTT
[Face to face with dead Jill Roberts, after shooting her in chest] I don't know about you, but I feel a whole lot better.