0
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Remember, happiness is just a teardrop away...
0
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Don't you point those dirty, green sausages at me!
0
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Your fallen tears have called to me / So here comes my sweet remedy / I know what every princess needs / For her to live life happily / With... just a wave of my magic wand / Your troubles will soon be gone / With a flick of the wrist in just a flash / You land a prince with a ton of cash / A high priced dress made by mice no less / Some crystal glass pumps and almost dressed / Worries will vanish your soul will cleanse / Confide in your very own furniture friends / We'll help you set a new fashion trend / I'll make you fancy, I'll make you great / The kind of gal a prince would date / They'll write your name on the bathroom wall...
BOOKCASE
For happy ever after, give Fiona a call!
FAIRY GODMOTHER
A sporty carriage to ride in style / A sexy man-boy chauffer Kyle / Vanish your blemishes, tooth decay / Celulite thighs will fade away / And oh, what the hey? / Have a Bichon Frise / Nip and tuck here and there / To land that prince with the perfect hair / Lipstick liners, shadow blush / To get that prince with a sexy tush / Lucky day, hunk buffet / For the lipstick a roll in the hay / You can spoon on the moon / With the prince to this tune / Don't be drab, you'll be fab / Your prince will have rock-hard abs / Cheese souflee Valentine's Day? / Have some chicken fricassee...
0
DONKEY
[after just being snuck up on and scratched by Puss In Boots] Owww! You little hairy litter-licking sack of...
FAIRY GODMOTHER
["Voice Message" Bubble forms after landing] Is it on?, Is it on? [clears throat] This is Fairy Godmother. I'm either away from my desk or with a client, but if you come by the office, we'll be glad to give you a personal appointment. Have a Happy Ever After! [bubble pops]
0
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Harold! you were supposed to give her the potion!
KING
Well, I guess gave her the wrong tea.
0
FAIRY GODMOTHER
What in Grimm's name are you doing here?
SHREK
It seems that Fiona is not at all happy.
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Oh, and is there any question as to why that is? Let's explore that, shall we? [looks over her bookshelf] Let's see... P-p-p-p-p, Princess. Cinderella... Handsome prince, lived happily ever after... oh, no ogres! Sleeping Beauty... handsome prince, no ogres. Thumbelina, no! Handsel and Gretel, no! The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman... no, no, no, no, NO! You see, ogres don't live happily ever after.
0
FAIRY GODMOTHER
I told you. Ogres don't live happily ever after!
0
SHREK
Fiona! Fiona!
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Fiona! Fiona! Ho, ho, ho... I don't think they can hear us, pigeon.
0
PRINCE CHARMING
[waving his sword] Tell me where he is, Mother! I will wrench his head from his shoulders - I will smite him where he stands - HE WILL RUE THE VERY DAY HE STOLE MY KINGDOM AWAY FROM ME! [a bird sheds its droppings on him]
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Oh, Put it away, Junior, you're still going to be King - we just need to work out something smarter, that's all...
0
HAROLD
Charming! Is that you? My gosh, it's been years! When did you get back?
CHARMING
Oh, about five minutes ago, actually. [yelling] After I endured blistering winds and scorching desert, climbed to the highest room of the tallest tower---
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Tut, tut, tut. Mummy can handle this. [yelling] He endures blistering winds and scorching desert! He climbs to the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower, and what does he find?! Some gender-confused wolf telling him that his princess is already married!