2
CHET
You've got an awful lot of nerve, Roman, a lot of nerve.
ROMAN
It's served me well, I'm the one with the Mercedes.
CHET
By the way, is it paid for?
ROMAN
Are you jealous? Chester!
CHET
Don't call me Chester! Call me that one more time and you're gonna go home with a dent in your forehead!
KATE CRAIG
Oh yeah, that'll be the day!
CHET
Would you like one to match his?
ROMAN
[raising his fists] Hey, take it easy! You wanna go right now?
BUCK RIPLEY
[breaking them apart] Dad, dad, dad. No one's denting anybody.
ROMAN
Thanks, Bucky.
BUCK RIPLEY
Oh, bite the big one, Uncle Roman!
CONNIE RIPLEY
Hey, don't talk to adults that way!
BUCK RIPLEY
Why not?
ROMAN
Because it's rude.
CONNIE RIPLEY
Oh, blow it out your ass!
0
ROMAN
What a gas! Chet's gonna shit a solid gold brick when he sees us, what a great surprise!
0
CHET
You bastard! You bastard!
ROMAN
I think he's saying go faster.
0
ROMAN
[while barbequing lobsters] How about the gourmet here, you know what he wanted? Hotdogs! You know what they make those things out of, Chet? You know? Lips and assholes!
0
KATE CRAIG
[during a big row] Roman, why don't we just get out of here, come on honey. Come on girls, let's go!
ROMAN
Good idea. [they go upstairs]
CHET
Well, it's the first good idea you've had since you've been here. And by the way, don't steal any of our stuff.
KATE CRAIG
Ha ha, what stuff is there to steal?
CONNIE RIPLEY
We got stuff!
0
KATE CRAIG
Ahh! [Kate and Roman run out of their bedroom]
ROMAN
What?
KATE CRAIG
It touched me!
ROMAN
It's been touching you for 12 years, you never freak!
KATE CRAIG
Not you! [Kate hits Roman on the arm] A thing.
ROMAN
What thing?
CHET
[Comes out of his bedroom, along with the rest of the family, and turns on the lights] What's going on?
KATE CRAIG
That thing! [Points to a bat]
ROMAN
Oh, it's just a little sparrow.
KATE CRAIG
C'mon Roman, it's got ears! [Everyone screams and runs out of the cabin]
0
ROMAN
Look at the size of the maggots on that meat!
0
ROMAN
These are the biggest worms I have ever encountered.
0
ROMAN
Why do Chet's kids look at him like he's Zeus and my kids look at me like I'm a rack of lawn tools at Sears?
0
ROMAN
Personally, I'd rather see a 46 inch bust singing "Burnin' Love."