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TWO-FACE
Poison Ivy.
POISON IVY
It's been a long time, Harvey. You're still looking around halfway decent.
TWO-FACE
Half of me wants to strangle ya.
POISON IVY
And what does the other half want?
TWO-FACE
To hit ya with a truck.
POISON IVY
We used to date.
THE PENGUIN, KILLER CROC
Ah.
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POISON IVY
[reaching down to pull Batman's mask] It's midnight darling,time to unmask [Batman kicks her in the head]
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TWO-FACE
[finishing his "almost got him" Batman story]... And if it weren't for this blasted coin... I would have got him.
THE JOKER
Gee, that's too bad, Harv, but I guess you'll always come in second. Anybody else want to go?
KILLER CROC
[hits the table] ME! There I was, holed up in this quarry, when Batman came nosing around. He was getting closer... Closer...
POISON IVY
And...?
KILLER CROC
I threw a rock at him!
POISON IVY
So, Harvey, what became of the giant penny?
KILLER CROC
It was a big rock...
TWO-FACE
They actually let him keep it!
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KILLER CROC
You'd think one of us would've got 'im by now...
THE PENGUIN
I've come the closest.
POISON IVY
Are you kidding? I was the one who nearly...
TWO-FACE
[pounds the table] Nobody's come closer to stopping the Batman than ME! [a squabble breaks out, which the Joker ends with a whistle]
THE JOKER
The fact is each of us has their own "almost got 'im" story to tell...
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POISON IVY
Awww...
TWO-FACE
No way!
KILLER CROC
Forget this!
THE PENGUIN
Let me see those cards!
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POISON IVY
Of course, I have the patience of a redwood.
BATMAN
And the convictions of a fanatic!
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POISON IVY
This dog of a dogwood leveled enough trees to shade a small state.
POISON IVY
And weep not for this willow. She destroyed an old-growth forest, to produce cardboard. CARDBOARD!
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HARLEY QUINN
Hey aren't you that plant lady... Poison Oaky?
POISON IVY
IVY! Poison Ivy!
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HARLEY QUINN
I remember I used to go driving like this with Mr. J...
POISON IVY
[mockingly] "Mr. J., Mr. J.!" Oh, change the record, Harl!
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POISON IVY
Now boys, didn't your mommies teach you that's not the way to get a lady's attention?
FRAT BOY
[slaps his butt] And what are you gonna do, spank me?
HARLEY QUINN
That's right, pigs!
HARLEY QUINN
And here's the paddle! [yelling, the boys leap out of their car and run just before Harley blows it to pieces]