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AUNT CLARA
Doorknobs are all very well, but they're not family. I count them when I'm lonely, but somehow today, you know they didn't seem to do the trick.
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AUNT CLARA
Wouldn't you like to see my doorknob collection?
PHYLLIS STEPHENS
I beg your pardon?
SAMANTHA STEPHENS
Aunt Clara collects doorknobs.
AUNT CLARA
I have three thousand.
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AUNT CLARA
[runs into the wall] I used to go through a wall just like butter. I think I'll try the front door.
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DARRIN STEPHENS
Am I disturbing anything Aunt Clara?
AUNT CLARA
Not at all. Not at all. I'm just polishing my doorknobs.
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DARRIN STEPHENS
Do you have any idea what's the matter?
AUNT CLARA
I think her magic has gone to the pot, and she's developed square green spots.
SAMANTHA STEPHENS
Aunt Clara, we thought maybe you'd know what disease I have.
AUNT CLARA
Well, judging from the symptoms, I should think it's... er... a square green spot disease.
DARRIN STEPHENS
Is that serious?
AUNT CLARA
No, I don't think so. It's inconvenient, and it lasts a whole year.
DARRIN STEPHENS
A year?
AUNT CLARA
Yes. Usually only witches in Peru get it.
SAMANTHA STEPHENS
Aunt Clara, we were looking at a Peruvian rose earlier. Could that have had anything to do with it?
AUNT CLARA
Was it a black rose? [Darrin nods] Oh... Oh, dear. That explains... Explains everything. You know, a Peruvian black rose was a part of the formula that they used to drive the witches out of Peru.
SAMANTHA STEPHENS
I didn't know they had witches in Peru.
AUNT CLARA
Well, they haven't. It worked.
DARRIN STEPHENS
Aunt Clara, you said the disease isn't usually serious, but Sam's pregnant.
AUNT CLARA
Oh, really? Well, I've never known it to have that effect before. Never. I...
SAMANTHA STEPHENS
Aunt Clara, Darrin wants to know if my having the disease while pregnant is serious.
AUNT CLARA
Well, there's only one way to find that out: Ask a Peruvian witch who was pregnant when she got the square green spot disease. Offhand, I think the chances of finding her is uh... is not too good.
DARRIN STEPHENS
Isn't there anything we can do?
AUNT CLARA
Well, now, if I only had the right ingredients, I could whip up a brew that could get rid of it like that, you know.
SAMANTHA STEPHENS
You could?
AUNT CLARA
Why, of course. Darrin, now would you mind running out and picking up some items I need?
DARRIN STEPHENS
Of course not, Aunt Clara. There's a drug store right here in the neighbourhood, stays open all night.
SAMANTHA STEPHENS
Exactly what do you need Aunt Clara?
AUNT CLARA
Well, now, let me see. [to Darrin] I think you'd better make a list. Well, now, let me see. Two bat wings. A half a pint of porpoise milk. And be sure it's fresh. Be sure it's fresh. Four eye of newt. And an ostrich feather. One. Yes, that's it. You got that, Darrin?
AUNT CLARA
Well, I'll give you the address of a little place that I shop.
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DARRIN STEPHENS
[about the green square spots on Samantha's face] They seem to be getting bigger.
AUNT CLARA
Never mind. When I get my potion, she'll be as right as rain.
SAMANTHA STEPHENS
But aren't you still missing one ostrich feather?
AUNT CLARA
Oh, yes, yes. Well, I'll try and conjure one up [prepares spell-casting] . Now, cross your fingers. [Samantha and Darrin do so]
DARRIN STEPHENS
Is that part of the spell?
AUNT CLARA
No, but I need all the luck I can get. Now, one ostrich feather. Prankis, stokas, nixby, rashby. [a full grown live ostrich appears] I didn't realize they were that big, you know.
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SAMANTHA STEPHENS
Oh, my stars. Aunt Clara, what happened?
AUNT CLARA
Oh, I got the spell all wrong. I got all mixed in the spell, and I got landed in the middle of the freeway.
SAMANTHA STEPHENS
Oh, good gracious.
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AUNT CLARA
Oh dear, I've lost my door knobs.
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SAMANTHA STEPHENS
How did you get in the closet?
AUNT CLARA
I don't know. Oh dear, oh dear. Well, at least I'm in the right house.
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AUNT CLARA
Oh dear. I wonder what I did wrong?