9
TINA
Do horses get songs stuck in their heads?
6
MR. FROND
Three siblings in detention in two days. Is something happening at home?
TINA
Dad is stuck inside the wall.
MR. FROND
Is that how he died?
TINA
Dad isn't dead.
LOUISE
Thanks a lot, Mr. Frond. We were keeping it a secret from her. We were going to tell her on Father's Day. Now we have nothing to do for Father's Day!
5
TINA
You won't regret it, dad. When I kiss Jimmy Jr. under the disco ball, it'll be like we're all kissing Jimmy Jr under the disco ball.
GENE
I go first!
LOUISE
Really?
GENE
If I have to kiss him, I don't want to go after you guys.
LINDA
I can go last. I don't mind.
BOB
We are not kissing Jimmy Jr!
GENE
[slams fists on table] Yes, we are!
5
TINA
I'm compiling a list of people I can mate with to repopulate the Earth.
GENE
Here, let me see that. Gay, gay, mythical creature, gay mythical creature, in your dreams...
5
TINA
If boys had uteruses, they'd be called duderuses.
3
LINDA
You kids stay down in the basement.
TINA
I already designated a corner for our bathroom. Right there, where I went.
GENE
And I designated that corner there. We have two bathrooms.
2
GENE
They're bringing back the tambourine.
TINA
It's a pandero. It's a Brazilian instrument.
GENE
That's a tambourine. I'm getting mine. These guys don't know how to shake it.
2
TINA
Dad, you're the best pimp a girl could ever have.
BOB
Oh, Tina. I've been waiting all my life to hear those words.
2
TINA
I think he's having an allergic reaction. We should do something.
LOUISE
Let's sit on him and see if he pops.
1
LOUISE
I've been honest with these two ever since Gene got too fat.
GENE
I remember the ice-cream sandwich that did it too. I regret nothing!
LOUISE
And Tina, you have bad breath.
TINA
Not if you're a fish.