26
SAUL GOODMAN
Congratulations, you've just left your family a second-hand Subaru.
11
SAUL GOODMAN
We declare just enough so as to not arouse suspicion, so Walt's one time winnings becomes seed money for an investment.
SKYLER WHITE
Investment in what?
SAUL GOODMAN
Drum roll, please. Wait for it. Laser tag. [silence] Laser tag! 7,000 square feet of rollicking fun in the heart of northern Bernalillo County!
SKYLER WHITE
Laser tag?
SAUL GOODMAN
Yeah, there's guns and glow lights, and the kids wear the vests and they're split into teams...
SKYLER WHITE
No, I actually know what it is, it's just that in relation to Walt, it doesn't make sense.
SAUL GOODMAN
Makes more sense than you two being together. I'm still trying to figure out how that happened.
SKYLER WHITE
Do you even know Walt? I mean, how would he of all people buy a laser tag business? It doesn't add up.
SAUL GOODMAN
It adds up perfectly. Walt's a scientist, scientists love lasers. Plus, they got bumper boats, so...
9
WALTER WHITE
Maybe...What if we, uh...maybe...could you get him arrested?
SAUL GOODMAN
You want your criminal associate taken into police custody?
WALTER WHITE
No, listen, I know it sounds risky, but it wouldn't be anything that would get him into real trouble, nothing that could lead back to our business. Just some minor offense.
SAUL GOODMAN
Pinkman in jail. I dunno, I'm picturing it...
WALTER WHITE
Not jail, as in jail jail. I'm talking about one of those situations when you're in an orange jumpsuit picking up litter along the highway.
SAUL GOODMAN
That's jail.
9
SAUL GOODMAN
If you're committed enough, you can make any story work. I once told a woman I was Kevin Costner, and it worked because I believed it.
8
WALTER H. WHITE
What are you offering me?
SAUL GOODMAN
What did Tom Hagen do for Vito Corleone?
WALTER H. WHITE
I'm no Vito Corleone.
SAUL GOODMAN
No Shit! Right now you're Fredo!
8
SAUL GOODMAN
Better call Saul!
7
SAUL GOODMAN
Hello. Welcome. What a pleasure it is to have you. Just gonna call you Skyler if that's okay. It's a lovely name. It reminds me of the big, beautiful sky. Walter always told me how lucky he was, prior to recent unfortunate events. Clearly his taste in women is the same as his taste in lawyers: only the very best with just the right amount of dirty.
6
WALTER WHITE
God...It's a disaster.
SAUL GOODMAN
It is not a disaster. It's not a disaster, alright? She's not going to the cops, she's not telling a living soul. You wanna know why? One word: blowback. If she blabs, it'll be a disaster – for her. That DEA brother-in-law? Screwed! You were right under his nose. He'll be lucky if they let him bust glue sniffers at the hobby shop. The kids? Paging Dr. Phil! "My daddy's a drug dealer and my mommy turned him in!" And the house? Gone! The feds will come in and RICO her and the kids out on the street. Good luck arguing with them on that, noooo. It's not gonna happen. She's bluffing. And she knows it.
5
SAUL GOODMAN
Alright, who do we have?
BADGER
Brandon Mayhew.
SAUL GOODMAN
[looking through his files] Brandon Mayhew...alright...Brandon Mayhew...ah, here we go. Public masturbation.
BADGER
What?
SAUL GOODMAN
I don't get it. What's the kick? Why don't you do it at home like the rest of us, with a big flatscreen TV, 50 channels of Pay-Per-View. [looks back at the file] In a Starbucks. That's nice, heh-heh.
BADGER
That ain't me, man! I'm...I was the guy who selling meth...allegedly.
SAUL GOODMAN
[looking through his files] OK, alright, I gotcha. Meth. Right. Sorry, that was a little transpositional error. Nothing that a little white-out can't take care of.
4
WALTER WHITE
You think this will get me to move out? You can screw Ted, you can screw the butcher, the mailman, whoever you want! Screw all! I'm not going anywhere.
SKYLER WHITE
Suit yourself.
SAUL GOODMAN
Is this a good or bad thing?
WALTER WHITE
Suit myself...You want me to suit myself?! I'll suit myself to his face!
SAUL GOODMAN
It's a bad thing.