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DR. FRASIER CRANE
Lilith Sternin is a good woman: strong, durable, reliable.
NORM PETERSON
She'd make a hell of a radial tire actually.
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NORM PETERSON
Looks like Cupid just shot an arrow through Carla's heart.
CLIFF CLAVIN
When did Carla get a heart?
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WOODY BOYD
Did Mrs. Peterson ever make a fool out of you in front of other people?
NORM PETERSON
Yeah, there was the time she pulled the old "I do" gag.
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NORM PETERSON
Ah Frase, you know marriage is a very tricky thing. Takes a lot of work and sacrifice and compromise from both parties to keep it fresh and rewarding.
DR. FRASIER CRANE
How can you say that? You work less at your marriage than anyone else in the world.
NORM PETERSON
I was hoping the irony would cheer you up.
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WOODY BOYD
Sam, beer distributor on the phone.
SAM MALONE
Tell him I'll call back.
NORM PETERSON
Sammy? Hey? Hey? Where are your priorities? Come on. [Sam gets up]
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SAM MALONE
You know, there are hundreds of good, solid reasons why you two should not get married.
JOYCE PANTUSSO, COACH'S NIECE
Like?
SAM MALONE
Like... Like I forbid you to, young lady.
JOYCE PANTUSSO, COACH'S NIECE
Wait, you can't forbid me. You're not my father.
SAM MALONE
All right, all right. Woody, I forbid you to marry Joyce.
WOODY BOYD
Sam, you're only my boss.
SAM MALONE
Damn it, I'm gonna fobid somebody somethin', I'll tell ya. [Norm gets up] Norm, I forbid you to leave that stool.
NORM PETERSON
Sorry, Sam, nature calls.
SAM MALONE
Hey, hey! You go and you're cut off.
NORM PETERSON
Whatever you say, Pop. [Norm sits back down]
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NORM PETERSON
[Frasier walks in carrying a small box] Hey, Fras, thought you'd be out on the links by now.
DR. FRASIER CRANE
It would be exceedingly difficult to tee off with this.
CLIFF CLAVIN
What's that, Fras?
DR. FRASIER CRANE
This is my extra-special gift from Lilith. [Frasier dumps the contents on to the bar]
CARLA TORTELLI
It's a tie.
DR. FRASIER CRANE
Yes, and I hate it, it's ugly. [Frasier grabs a fork and starts stabbing it] It's just a tie. An ordinary gray tie. I wanted golf clubs! It's not special! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! [Frasier throws the tie on the floor, stomps on it and then walks off]
NORM PETERSON
Glad she didn't give him a puppy.
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CARLA TORTELLI
[about Carla's son, marrying] What did you tell my kid, huh?
SAM MALONE
Well, basically, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
WOODY BOYD
Well, I'll tell you why: companionship, warmth on a cold night, someone to share your old age with.
NORM PETERSON
You think he should marry her?
WOODY BOYD
I thought we were talking about a cow?
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NORM PETERSON
Call me old fashioned Cliff, but the only thing I like floating in beer is my liver.
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NORM PETERSON
Listen, if you don't mind, right now I've been tasting beer all morning, OK, so I'm just going to take a break, change my clothes and go over to Cheers and hoist a few.
MIKE
[laughing] Whoa. You're kidding, right?
NORM PETERSON
Yeah. These clothes'll be fine.