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SIMON BRIMMER
This is not a police case! This is a private murder!
INSPECTOR RICHARD QUEEN
"PRIVATE" murder?
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ACTOR
M-Mr. Brimmer, what are you doing here?
SIMON BRIMMER
Sorry for the interruption, Doctor, but I have an appointment with... a murderer.
ACTOR
Well, I - I don't understand.
SIMON BRIMMER
It's quite simple. You see, the man we've been looking for... is you.
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RADIO DIRECTOR
Nice show, huh, Mr. Brimmer?
SIMON BRIMMER
Hardly. All the thrills of a church picnic; no pace, no suspense, no story. We'll talk tomorrow, nine sharp.
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SIMON BRIMMER
Sorry that we bored you.
ELLERY QUEEN
Oh, no, not really. It was a excellent show.
SIMON BRIMMER
Oh, come now. You dozed off on the first commercial.
ELLERY QUEEN
Oh, really, I'm sorry. I - I usually have a better attention span, but I've been up for 48 hours trying to finish my new book.
SIMON BRIMMER
Ah, deadlines. We have those here, too, which is why I need your help.
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ELLERY QUEEN
I've been thinking about your offer...
SIMON BRIMMER
I'm a student of the human voice, Mr. Queen, and I sense a certain reluctance in yours. Is it the money?
ELLERY QUEEN
No, the fee is very generous.
SIMON BRIMMER
Then what's the problem? You're one of the best mystery writers in the business, and that's exactly what I need. "The Casebook of Simon Brimmer" is just about empty, and that microphone is insatiable. All I'm asking for is the right to buy your private files, and have them adapted into radio scripts.
ELLERY QUEEN
Then my cases would become *your* cases, solved by you.
SIMON BRIMMER
Well, of course, I couldn't use your name. After all, my audience tunes in to hear *me*.
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ELLERY QUEEN
Unfortunately, Mr. Brimmer, you're asking me to be a ghostwriter...
SIMON BRIMMER
[scoffs] A technicality.
ELLERY QUEEN
Uh, not to me.
SIMON BRIMMER
All right, then. Let's say a very rich ghost with silk sheets.
ELLERY QUEEN
It's tempting, but I'm afraid I'll have to pass.