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FRASIER
Say, Dad, you remember that woman I went out with on Valentine's Day but I wasn't quite sure if it was a romantic thing?
MARTIN CRANE
Yeah, that new publicity woman at the station.
FRASIER
Yes, Cassandra Stone. Well, I asked her out again last night and I got my answer.
MARTIN CRANE
Oh, I'm sorry, Fras'.
FRASIER
No, I'm not finished!
MARTIN CRANE
That's the spirit. You hang in there.
DAPHNE MOON
You know, Dr. Crane, someone once said that long periods of abstinence can actually refresh the soul.
CASSANDRA STONE
[Cassandra enters in a blue robe] Morning, everyone!
FRASIER
Yes. Well, that someone was me and I was full of it!
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FRASIER
Oh, good morning.
DAPHNE MOON
Morning.
MARTIN CRANE
I didn't hear you come in last night. You have a date?
DAPHNE MOON
[Frasier comes back from the kitchen holding up two mugs] Well, I guess that answers that.
MARTIN CRANE
Well, ease up there, Cassandra's a great gal - women like her don't come along every day.
FAYE MOSKOWITZ
[Faye enters, wearing the same blue robe Cassandra wore the previous day] Morning!
DAPHNE MOON
No, they certainly don't!
0
DR. FRASIER CRANE
Daphne, I thought by now that you would know my policy on fix-ups.
DAPHNE MOON
She's pretty, she's lonely, and she's an underwear model.
DR. FRASIER CRANE
So you do know my policy. Off we go!
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DAPHNE MOON
Well, I smoked for years but I never became addicted. To this day, I can buy a pack, have a cig or two, toss them in a drawer and not crave another for months.
BEBE GLAZER
You know there's a word for people who can do that. What is it? Oh, yes: bitch!
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DR. FRASIER CRANE
[Frasier and Martin talk about his relation with Clare] So, you're going to see her again?
MARTIN CRANE
Oh, I don't know, I don't think it's gonna work out.
DR. FRASIER CRANE
You're not still feeling guilty, are you?
MARTIN CRANE
No, what you said made a lot of sense. It's just that I think it's run its course.
DR. FRASIER CRANE
Oh, well, I have a theory.
MARTIN CRANE
Geez!
DR. FRASIER CRANE
[Daphne enters and hears] No, no, hear me out. I think by giving you my approval to sleep with Clare I've made it less exciting for you. There was a certain illicitness to the relationship that gave it a kind of piquancy.
MARTIN CRANE
Frasier, it's Sunday, take the day off!
DAPHNE MOON
Wait, Mr. Crane. You slept with Mrs. Wojadubakowski?
MARTIN CRANE
[being sarcastic] Yes, I did, isn't that adorable?
DAPHNE MOON
No, it's disgusting, you dirty old man! Sleeping with that poor widow before her husband's even cold in the ground.
MARTIN CRANE
You think that was wrong?
DAPHNE MOON
You're damn right I do. You ought to be ashamed.
MARTIN CRANE
See, I told you, Frasier.
DAPHNE MOON
We live in a civilized society and there are certain rules we have to live by. [getting carried away and confused] We all have impulses we'd like to explore, but we don't!
DR. FRASIER CRANE
Daphne?
DAPHNE MOON
Well, we can't just go chasing anyone you fancy just because you're suddenly attracted to them. There are certain things you don't do, no matter how tempted you are. [Daphne leaves to her room]
DR. FRASIER CRANE
Boy that was strange, wasn't it?
MARTIN CRANE
I don't think it was strange at all! Made a lot of sense to me! [Martin gets up and gets his coat]
DR. FRASIER CRANE
Where the hell are you going?
MARTIN CRANE
Well, I better get over to Clare's and apologize. Don't wait up for me Frasier, I've got a lot of apologizing to do!
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FRASIER
Daphne? I was thinking about our conversation earlier today, and I've decided to give you an extra week off. That way you can go to Manchester, *and* Acapulco.
DAPHNE MOON
Oh, that is so sweet! You must really think I should go home.
FRASIER
Well, I've just realized that being part of a family is really worth the effort. And, sometimes the effort... means you'll need a week in Acapulco.
0
DAPHNE MOON
Someone here is long overdue for a...
MARTIN CRANE
Hey! Don't you say that word.
DAPHNE MOON
What word?
MARTIN CRANE
B-A-T-H.
FRASIER
When he yawns, it may smell like swamp gas, but his spelling's improving.
0
BEBE GLAZER
[Early morning. Bebe is asleep on the couch. Daphne, in her robe, slowly creeps into the room with a pack of cigarettes in her hand. She quietly opens the balcony door. Bebe stays asleep as Daphne puts a cigarette to her lips. However, the sound of her striking a match wakes Bebe in an instant. She tiptoes over to the balcony door] You're up early, Miss Moon!
DAPHNE MOON
God, you startled me! [laughs] Ever since your little speech about smoking, I haven't been able to think about anything else. Please, don't mention this to Dr. Crane.
BEBE GLAZER
Silence has its price, dear. And I think we both know what that is.
DAPHNE MOON
Forget it! You can't make me give you one of these.
BEBE GLAZER
Oh, can't I? [She slams the balcony door shut, locking Daphne out]
DAPHNE MOON
You open up right now!
BEBE GLAZER
All right, missy, here's the drill! You drop those cigarettes, I'll open the door, you kick 'em over to me... capiche?
DAPHNE MOON
No! [She runs to the other door but Bebe locks it]
BEBE GLAZER
[evil] Oh, is it cold outside?
DAPHNE MOON
All right, you asked for it! [She takes the packet and holds it over the balcony]
BEBE GLAZER
No, no! Please, I beg you.
DAPHNE MOON
Oh, oh no. My fingers are getting weak! Oh, I'm losing me grip!
BEBE GLAZER
Stop, please! I'll give you anything you want. I'll make you a star! [opens door]
FRASIER
[enters] What the hell's going on out here?
BEBE GLAZER
[childish brat voice] Daphne was smoking!
DAPHNE MOON
She made me!
0
DAPHNE MOON
Funny thing about Orangina. I never buy Orangina at all. But whenever I'm in a hotel and there's a mini-bar, it's the first thing I go for. Orangina.
0
DAPHNE MOON
It's like Gilbert and Sullivan, only frightening.