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BEBE GLAZER
[Bebe is smoking in the kitchen. When she hears Frasier and Niles coming, she puts out her cigarette and drops it into her purse] I'm sorry I can't stay and help you with your paper, Niles, wedding preparations and all. But I'll remember those helpful hints. It's exercise, gum, and lots of water. [blue smoke is wafting out of her purse]
NILES CRANE
Water should come in handy for putting out those pesky purse fires.
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NILES CRANE
I'll have a decaf latte, and please be sure to use skim milk.
FRASIER
I'll have the same.
ERIC
Got it.
ERIC
Two Gutless Wonders!
NILES CRANE
[to Frasier] Certainly playing fast and loose with his tips for a man who drives a van.
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NILES CRANE
Excuse me. Has a young woman been in here this evening approximately five foot nine and three quarters, with skin the colour of Devonshire cream and the sort of eyes that gaze directly into one's soul with neither artifice nor evasion?
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NILES CRANE
I'm not without resources. My Tae Kwon Do instructor tells me I'm just two moves away from becoming quite threatening!
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FRASIER
Niles, just listen to me for a second. You know perfectly well that she'll resent any interference. Now, you want to make a fool of yourself, go right ahead, but don't ask me to join you.
NILES CRANE
That's fine. Just tell me where they went.
FRASIER
Someplace called the, uh, the Topaz Room.
ERIC
The Topaz Room? I thought the cops shut that place down after the last shooting.
FRASIER
I'll drive!
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NILES CRANE
The first stock really did pay off, but then the rest all tanked. And what was I supposed to do? Tell that poor, working-class Venus I'd lost her life savings? I had to pay her back and if I threw in a little extra, well, where's the harm in that?
FRASIER
Niles, you are giving a woman money in order to obtain physical affection! We are talking the world's oldest profession. Granted, this is sort of the Walt Disney version, but still. It's wrong, and I insist you stop it.
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NILES CRANE
You're dating Dr. Honey Snow? I thought you considered her a complete ninny. What could you possibly see in this...
NILES CRANE
WHOA-HO, MAMA!
0
NILES CRANE
I'm sorry Frasier, I am not a Winnebago person. Whenever I see one on the highway I look into the driver's eyes, hoping to see something that would explain why in God's name he would ever want to do something like this! All I see is a death stare under the brim of a hat made out of Miller Lite cans. This is my final word. I'm not going.
MARTIN CRANE
Hey, great news! Daphne's coming, too!
NILES CRANE
And so am I!
0
NILES CRANE
[about Daphne] She deserves a doctor, or a lawyer - someone for whom a T-shirt is an undergarment!
0
ANNOUNCER
In local news, Congressman Robert Gill was accused of taking bribes from a waste treatment facility. Asked to comment, the Congressman said...
DR. FRASIER CRANE
Yes! YES! I am a bad boy, aren't I, you dirty girl! Come to your bad boy, oh *yes*...!
DR. FRASIER CRANE
Oh, no! Is that the on-air light?
KATE COSTAS
Stop talking.
DR. FRASIER CRANE
You must have hit the switch with your elbow while we were...
KATE COSTAS
Stop-talking.
DR. FRASIER CRANE
We'd better hurry up and get dressed before...
NILES CRANE
STOP TALKING! [distracted, he looks up, and brakes hard, but crashes into the car in front of him]