1
CHANDLER BING
How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?
JOEY TRIBBIANI
I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
CHANDLER BING
Oh man. In my next life I'm comin' back as a toilet brush.
JANICE LITMAN
[to Chandler] Hello Funny Valentine.
CHANDLER BING
Hello, Just Janice.
0
JANICE LITMAN
I'm riding the alimony pony! [braying laugh]
JOEY TRIBBIANI
[aside] And there it is...
0
JANICE LITMAN
Chandler?
CHANDLER BING
[ trying to be aloof] Hello Janice
JANICE LITMAN
What are you doing here?
CHANDLER BING
Shopping, how have you been?
JANICE LITMAN
Are you being British?
CHANDLER BING
No, not anymore
JANICE LITMAN
You don't live in the neighborhood, were you waiting for me?
CHANDLER BING
Ya huh I'm just picking up some things for a party
JANICE LITMAN
Bali? What kind of a party serves bali?
CHANDLER BING
Sorry if my friends aren't as sophisticated as yours
JANICE LITMAN
Where is this party?
CHANDLER BING
Right here in Chelsea?
JANICE LITMAN
Who's it for?
CHANDLER BING
A woman
JANICE LITMAN
A woman? What's this woman's name?
CHANDLER BING
Chelsea?
JANICE LITMAN
One of two things is happening here, either you're seeing another woman which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet or you're pretending to be seeing a woman which is so pathetic it makes me want to cry here in the cereal aisle, which of these guys do you want to be?
CHANDLER BING
Can I be that guy?
0
JANICE LITMAN
So, I hear you hate me.
JOEY TRIBBIANI
I didn't said "hate", I was really careful about that.
JANICE LITMAN
A little birdy said something about ripping your arm off and throwing it at me.
JOEY TRIBBIANI
You got "hate" from that?
0
JANICE LITMAN
It's a small world after all.
CHANDLER BING
Yeah. And I still don't get bumped into Beyonce!
0
JANICE LITMAN
I brought you something.
CHANDLER BING
Is it loaded?
0
JANICE LITMAN
Goodnight my Bing-a-ling.
0
JANICE LITMAN
Chandler Bing.
0
JANICE LITMAN
Janice has a question: Who of the six of you has slept with who of the six of you?
PHOEBE BUFFAY
Its like a dirty math problem.
DR. ROSS GELLER
The answer would be none of us.
JANICE LITMAN
None of you have gotten drunk and stupid over the years?
JOEY TRIBBIANI
Well, that's a different question.
JANICE LITMAN
I find it hard to believe a group of people who spend as much time together as you do has never bumped uglies. I've got another question: Who of the six of you has almost?
RACHEL GREEN
[they all quickly get up] Can I get anyone more coffee?
JOEY TRIBBIANI
Hey, there's a dog out there!
-1
CHANDLER BING
[Chandler is waiting for his cyberchick to arrive] Where is she, where is she?
CHANDLER BING
Oh, hey, I have a question, where is she?
RACHEL GREEN
Chandler, relax, Chandler, she'll be here.
CHANDLER BING
[gets up after noticing a beautiful blonde walking in] Oh, oh, oh, that's her.
DR. ROSS GELLER
[after seeing her] Yeah, 'cause life's just that kind.
PHOEBE BUFFAY
Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
CHANDLER BING
[Chandler gets up] Oh my God!
JANICE LITMAN
[pause] OH... MY... GAWD!
PHOEBE BUFFAY, JOEY TRIBBIANI
OH... MY... GOD!