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BARNEY STINSON
Loneliness...the looming specter of Valentine's Day fast approaching...the two key ingredients to my favorite day of the year - February 13th, Desperation Day.
ROBIN SCHERBATSKY
That's not a thing.
BARNEY STINSON
It's a thing. Much like Valentine's Day itself, Desperation Day dates back thousands of years. [Visualizes Roman-era wedding] Weddings were forbidden under ancient Roman law, so St. Valentine performed them in secret, under threat of death.
TED MOSBY
[impressed] That's actually true.
BARNEY STINSON
Wait. There's more.
TED MOSBY
This won't be.
BARNEY STINSON
And right by St. Valentine's side was his best bro, St. Desperatius, there to pick off insecure bridesmaids.
:ST. DESPERATIUS
Whoa! Check out that one, her body is a perfect X.
:ST. VALENTINE
Player! Play on! High V. [high-fives]
:WOMAN
Oh Jupiter! What are your plans for me? Fifteen and still unmarried.
:ST. DESPERATIUS
And I thought Pompeii was smoking. [woman smiles]
BARNEY STINSON
Every woman wants a date on Valentine's Day. That neediness reaches its climax - what up - on February 13th. A magical night, when a ten has the self-esteem of a four and the depraved enthusiasm of a two.
-2
BARNEY STINSON
Loneliness...the looming specter of Valentine's Day fast approaching...the two key ingredients to my favorite day of the year - February 13th, Desperation Day.
ROBIN SCHERBATSKY
That's not a thing.
BARNEY STINSON
It's a thing. Much like Valentine's Day itself, Desperation Day dates back thousands of years. [Visualizes Roman-era wedding] Weddings were forbidden under ancient Roman law, so St. Valentine performed them in secret, under threat of death.
TED MOSBY
That's actually true.
BARNEY STINSON
Wait. There's more.
TED MOSBY
This won't be.
BARNEY STINSON
And right by St. Valentine's side was his best bro, St. Desperatius, there to pick off insecure bridesmaids.
:ST. DESPERATIUS
Whoa! Check out that one, her body is a perfect X.
:ST. VALENTINE
Player! Play on! High V. [high-fives]
:WOMAN
Oh Jupiter! What are your plans for me? Fifteen and still unmarried.
:ST. DESPERATIUS
And I thought Pompeii was smoking. [woman smiles]
BARNEY STINSON
Every woman wants a date on Valentine's Day. That neediness reaches its climax - what up - on February 13th. A magical night, when a ten has the self-esteem of a four and the depraved enthusiasm of a two.
LILY ALDRIN
Marshall, I'm going home.
MARSHALL ERIKSEN
[pauses from game session with Ted, comes to Lily] What?
LILY ALDRIN
I'm flying out tonight before the big storm, and I want you to come with me.
MARSHALL ERIKSEN
I can't right now, 'cause my mom needs me.
LILY ALDRIN
Well, I guess it's been helpful for her for you to be here playing Super Mario Kart for 14 hours a day...
TED MOSBY
[surprised] You have Super Mario Kart!?
MARSHALL ERIKSEN
Hell, yeah. [points to cartridge. Ted gets it and loads into the SNES]
LILY ALDRIN
...but your mom doesn't need you. Your life in New York needs you, it needs you really bad.
MARSHALL ERIKSEN
Baby, don't go.
LILY ALDRIN
[kisses Marshall and leaves] Please come home soon.