3
RICKY RICARDO
Say, what do you know about rice?
FRED MERTZ
Well, I had it thrown at me on one of the darkest days of my life.
1
RICKY RICARDO
Look, all I know is that Columbus discovered Ohio in 1776.
1
RICKY RICARDO
Hey, Lucy, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the theater.
LUCY RICARDO
What?
RICKY RICARDO
Some tramp comes up to me on the street and says he hadn't had a bite in three days.
LUCY RICARDO
What did you do, bite him? [Audience laughs]
0
LUCY RICARDO
Lets see, it was either the upstairs maid or the butler
RICKY RICARDO
It was her husband
LUCY RICARDO
Her husband? He didn't have any reason to do it
RICKY RICARDO
He was married wasn't he
0
RICKY RICARDO
Something's wrong with the electricity. My shaver isn't working.
LUCY RICARDO
Something's wrong with the gas. My chicken isn't working.
0
RICKY RICARDO
Why are we whispering?
LUCY RICARDO
If my feet find out this was my idea, they'll kill me.
0
LUCY RICARDO
How much do you want to bet?
FRED MERTZ
Ten dollars.
ETHEL MERTZ
Well what's the matter with twenty dollars?
RICKY RICARDO
What's the matter with thirty dollars?
LUCY RICARDO
What's the matter with fifty dollars?
FRED MERTZ
What was the matter with ten dollars?
0
RICKY RICARDO
We've got to use our brains.
LUCY RICARDO
Well, let's see...
RICKY RICARDO
You stay out of this.
0
LUCY RICARDO
This whole thing is Ricky's fault.
RICKY RICARDO
MY FAULT?
LUCY RICARDO
Yeah, if you hadn't have left Cuba to come to America, we wouldn't have gotten married and we never would've come to Switzerland in the first place.
0
RICKY RICARDO
This whole thing is my fault. Something I said that started this whole mess.
LUCY RICARDO
What's that?
RICKY RICARDO
"I do."