3
HYACINTH
Watch the lorry.
RICHARD BUCKET
Which lorry?
HYACINTH
There you are, you see; you can't even see the lorry.
RICHARD BUCKET
Where is it?
HYACINTH
Parked! Over there.
RICHARD BUCKET
Why should I watch a stationary lorry parked on the other side of a dual carriageway!
HYACINTH
I don't think I like your tone, Richard.
2
RICHARD BUCKET
[Hyacinth and Richard are preparing for Daisy's granddaughter's christening] At least they're bothering to have the little girl christened.
HYACINTH
Kylie! What sort of a name is Kylie for a Christian person? It sounds like a foreign vegetable!
1
RICHARD BUCKET
Why can't I have my usual cornflakes?
HYACINTH
This is not a cornflake establishment.
RICHARD BUCKET
Whunh. It always has been!
HYACINTH
Perhaps in the days before this exclusive European high fibre breakfast cereal was made available. Now it's very nutritious and highly recommended.
RICHARD BUCKET
By whom?
HYACINTH
The Dutch Royal Family.
RICHARD BUCKET
The Dutch Royal Family!
HYACINTH
There's a crest on the packet.
RICHARD BUCKET
Oh, Hyacinth. I wish you'd stop buying things because there's a crest on the packet.
HYACINTH
So in future, when people ask you what you have for breakfast, don't say cornflakes. Tell them, quite truthfully, that you eat an exclusive European high fibre breakfast cereal.
RICHARD BUCKET
[through clenched teeth] With a crest on the package.
1
ONSLOW
[from an upstairs window] You've woken the dog!
RICHARD BUCKET
Morning, Onslow.
HYACINTH
Don't say good morning to him when I've just been savaged by his dog.
ONSLOW
Less noise, you daft bitch. And that goes for you as well, dog.
1
HYACINTH
What a disaster to my tea and light refreshments.
ONSLOW
I could murder some light refreshments.
HYACINTH
If it wasn't for Sheridan's good news, I don't know what this day would have been.
RICHARD BUCKET
Good news from Sheridan?
HYACINTH
He's moved in with a very suitable friend. They're making their own curtains. Apparently his friend's very good with a needle. He has prizes for embroidery. Well, you'd better come in and have some tea and light refreshments. [starts off then turns back] Onslow, before you come in, just shift this wreck next door, will you, dear?
ONSLOW
[to Richard] Prizes for embroidery?
RICHARD BUCKET
Let's move the car, shall we, Onslow?
0
RICHARD BUCKET
'You see it in the papers. Terrible. Women living alone, getting involved with strange men. Very unwise.' She'll think I'm barmy. You can't open a conversation like that. 'Hello, Liz, have you seen it in the papers? Women living alone, getting involved with strange men.' Oh, I can't *say* that.
0
HYACINTH
Ooooh! It's the Chairlady of the Women's Luncheon Club.
RICHARD BUCKET
Ewww...
0
HYACINTH
You don't like my hats!
RICHARD BUCKET
Look, I di- I never said I didn't like your hats!
HYACINTH
Richard, is this the first chink in our marriage? I've heard about men in mid-life crisis. Now I'm warning you, Richard, I will not have you being unfaithful to my hats!
0
MRS. FORTESCUE
You have very interesting relatives, Mrs. Bucket.
HYACINTH
It's Bouquet. Yes, they are. Very... interesting.
RICHARD BUCKET
Wasn't that Bruce!
HYACINTH
Keep your eyes on the road, dear.
0
HYACINTH
Watch the cyclist.
RICHARD BUCKET
I'm watching the cyclist.
HYACINTH
She shouldn't be riding a bicycle wearing skirts as short as that.
HYACINTH
[Richard is looking over to the side] Keep your eyes on the road, dear.
RICHARD BUCKET
[looking in the rear-view mirror] But you just told me to watch the cyclist.
HYACINTH
Just watch the road.