1
NORA BATTY
I sometimes think he's perverted!
COMPO SIMMONITE
I *am* perverted. To North Sea gas. We all are 'round here.
0
SHEP
Went all through t' last war, five and a half years on it, and I can't say as I ever hated Jerries, but I've been six months a lollipop man, and I could cheerfully strangle every little brat under eighteen.
COMPO SIMMONITE
Hey! You must be mad wanting to strangle poor, little, innocent kids! Use your pole; what do you think it's for?
0
BLAMIRE
What a splendid day it's been.
CLEGG
We've covered some ground.
COMPO SIMMONITE
I'm shagged!
BLAMIRE
Listen to him. We expose him to the wonders of nature, and that's his response. Pure poetry.
COMPO SIMMONITE
It's me red-'ot.
BLAMIRE
Do yourself up then, and keep it in the shade.
COMPO SIMMONITE
Aw, me zip's got stuck a bit. There's nowt showing.
BLAMIRE
I get this terrible dream that he'll start streaking.
COMPO SIMMONITE
I wonder why the Lord made us with spouts like a kettle. I mean why not a small drain plug, for instance, in both feet?
0
COMPO SIMMONITE
Well, I don't like their Eric.
0
COMPO SIMMONITE
Give us a whole fag, and if it'll make you feel better, I'll smoke it out me earhole.
0
COMPO SIMMONITE
[holds out flowers] Hey. [Nora slams the door] Ah, come on, Nora. Don't muck about. I'm not after thy luscious body. I just want thee to fix me flower to me button-hole.
0
VICAR
The ring.
COMPO SIMMONITE
Ah-ha, ha-ho, the ring!
0
COMPO SIMMONITE
Hey, Foggy! Your luck's in; there's some fellow wants rescuing off the roof.
0
COMPO SIMMONITE
I wonder what they'll put on my gravestone.
FOGGY DEWHURST
Something very heavy, I hope.
CLEGG
What would you like on it?
COMPO SIMMONITE
Somebody else's name. [laughs]
0
COMPO SIMMONITE
I hate him.
CLEGG
No, you don't.
COMPO SIMMONITE
Are you sure?
CLEGG
Well, pretty sure.
COMPO SIMMONITE
That's funny; I thought I hated him.
CLEGG
Puts your head in glass buckets, doesn't he?
COMPO SIMMONITE
Gives me fags.
CLEGG
And it was only a short while ago he was giving you a V sign.
COMPO SIMMONITE
[sighs] True.
CLEGG
Well, there you are, you see. Nobody's all bad.
BLAMIRE
[from the door] Come on!