3
EDDIE HASKELL
Wally, if your dumb brother tags along, I'm gonna - oh, good afternoon, Mrs. Cleaver. I was just telling Wallace how pleasant it would be for Theodore to accompany us to the movies.
3
JUNE CLEAVER
Eddie, would you care to stay for dinner? We're having roast beef.
EDDIE HASKELL
No thank you, Mrs. Cleaver. I really must be getting home. We're having squab this evening.
3
EDDIE HASKELL
Not me! Your father doesn't like me.
WALLY CLEAVER
Why would you say that?
EDDIE HASKELL
On account of the way he looks at me when he opens the door. Sometimes I think he'd be happier to see Kruschev standing there.
2
EDDIE HASKELL
[Beaver thinks he isn't going to graduate from 8th grade] Hey, that's tough, kid. Let me think. Maybe I can help you figure a way out of this.
WALLY CLEAVER
Listen, Beav. At this point, I don't think you want to be taking advice from Eddie.
EDDIE HASKELL
Are you kidding? I've been in an out of every kind of trouble there is in school.
2
EDDIE HASKELL
Gee, your kitchen always looks so clean.
JUNE CLEAVER
Why, thank you, Eddie.
EDDIE HASKELL
My mother says it looks as though you never do any work in here.
2
EDDIE HASKELL
Hey, guys, like my new vest? I think it brings out the Peter Lawford in me.
2
EDDIE HASKELL
Look Sam, if you can make the other guy feel like a goon first, then you don't feel like so much of a goon.
WALLY CLEAVER
I don't get that.
EDDIE HASKELL
Of course you don't. That's because you never went to kindergarten with a home permanent.
1
EDDIE HASKELL
[as Wally and the boys leave Gilbert to stay with stranded Eddie Haskell] Talk to me, will you, Gilbert?
GILBERT BATES
Ok. What'll I say?
EDDIE HASKELL
Say anything.
GILBERT BATES
All right. You're a dumb stupid creep and a big wise guy.
0
EDDIE HASKELL
[to Wally] Your father gave me a funny look when I came in... like I'm a teenage werewolf or something.