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AL BUNDY
Let me get this straight - pardon the expression...
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AL BUNDY
[watching "The Jeffersons"] Oh my God. It's Wheezy in a bathing suit!
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AL BUNDY
Hello, Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Fire Arms? I have an alcohol question: Who was in the very first Lite Beer commercial? I say it was Bubba Smith but I have a friend who thinks it was... Hello?
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JEFFERSON
What year did the Cubs last win the World Series?
AL BUNDY
1908.
PEGGY BUNDY
And yet you can't remember the year we were married?
AL BUNDY
Same year, 1908. Only difference is, baseball is still interesting.
PEGGY BUNDY
Maybe that's because they score more than once a season.
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PEGGY BUNDY
Al, what was I wearing the day we met?
AL BUNDY
Too much make-up.
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JEFFERSON
Who was in the very first Lite Beer commercial?
AL BUNDY
No problem. You're talking beer, you're talking my language.
MARCY RHOADES D'ARCY
You're talking beer, you're talking his belly.
AL BUNDY
[Marcy is wearing a white turtle-neck sweater] Why do I suddenly have an uncontrollable urge to play t-ball?
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BUD BUNDY
Hey, Dad, we heard the sports bar is opening the same night as the Jeffersons tour.
BUD BUNDY
Which one are you going to?
AL BUNDY
Ha ha ha. Kids, you wanna do ol' Dad a favor before he kills ya?
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JEFFERSON
You copied that from Bugs Bunny.
AL BUNDY
No, Daffy Duck.
JEFFERSON
Bugs.
AL BUNDY
Daffy.
PEGGY BUNDY
Why are you two introducing yourselves to each other?
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MARCY RHOADES D'ARCY
Hi. We were just wondering, do you know where Seven is?
PEGGY BUNDY
No.
MARCY RHOADES D'ARCY
Well, let me put your minds to rest. He's been living with just for the past three days. He walked in when you left for that Hawaii/Rock of Ages thing and now doesn't want to leave.
JEFFERSON D'ARCY
He's improving slowly. He still can't read, write, or use a knife and fork, but he has learned to chant "kill the Bundys" with us and and the other neighbors.
MARCY RHOADES D'ARCY
If you don't mind, we were thinking about renaming him Henry, after my father.
PEGGY BUNDY
[shrugs] Sure, that's okay.
AL BUNDY
[shrugs] What do we care? Do what you want.
MARCY RHOADES D'ARCY
What we want is for you to come and get him. He's irritating. He calls us Dad and Little Dad.
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AL'S FATHER
So, how's tricks? How are the kids?
AL BUNDY
Fine.
AL'S FATHER
How are my Playboys?
AL BUNDY
You know, huh?
AL'S FATHER
[sarcastically] No, I care how you and the kids are.