0
AL BUNDY
Uh, Peg, maybe you didn't hear me. I said I failed my written test.
PEGGY BUNDY
Well, I didn't say I was proud of you.
KELLY BUNDY
And Mom, Dad got another ticket for a broken tail-light and one for driving without a license.
PEGGY BUNDY
[with sarcasm] Oh, I'm sorry, Al. Now I'm proud of you.
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AL BUNDY
Kids, just one quick question and that's it. Is you mother...
BUD BUNDY
Repulsed by you?
KELLY BUNDY
Disappointed financially and sexually by you?
AL BUNDY
No. I don't care about that, you dolts. Is she pregnant?
AL BUNDY
Marcy?
KELLY BUNDY
[to Bud] Do you think he's crazy?
BUD BUNDY
He must be. He didn't ask about you.
0
PEGGY BUNDY
Kids, I'm sorry to make such a big fuss over such a little thing like a mouse. But, you know, there are some things from childhood, you just can't forget.
KELLY BUNDY
I hope this isn't true, Mom.
PEGGY BUNDY
Now, how about a hug?
BUD BUNDY
Can't, Mom. You've got cooties.
0
PEGGY BUNDY
Did you buy the kids a car, Al?
KELLY BUNDY
[off screen] DON'T TOUCH MY CAR! I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR HANDS HAVE BEEN!
BUD BUNDY
[off screen] IN THAT CASE YOU SHOULDN'T BE SITTING IN IT!
AL BUNDY
Yes, I did. And, as you can see, all of my worries about them fighting were unfounded.
AL BUNDY
On the upside, however, I did get them to knock off $100. Why pay for seat belts if you don't have brakes?
0
AL BUNDY
We're going for a drive.
KELLY BUNDY
In the Dodge? Aaaaahh.
AL BUNDY
Just for that, you ride in the back with your mother.
0
KELLY BUNDY
When did television get so weird? Nobody eats breakfast at the table anymore. And cereal? Come on. When I was growing up, we were lucky if we got toaster leave-in's.
RONALD N. MICHAELS
Toaster leavings?
KELLY BUNDY
Leave-in's. The 'q' is silent.
0
KELLY BUNDY
Bud, what's a simpleton?
BUD BUNDY
An idiot, a moron, a dolt, dullard, creatin. You know, someone a little smarter than you.
0
KELLY BUNDY
[watching "Superman"] What does the "S" on his chest stands for?
AL BUNDY
"Straight". You know, he has to be careful when changing clothes on the phone booth.
0
KELLY BUNDY
Daddy, do you notice anything different about me?
AL BUNDY
No, son.
KELLY BUNDY
Daddy, it's Kelly.
AL BUNDY
Well, tell her to come in.
0
GUNTHER
So, wanna fool around on the couch?
KELLY BUNDY
Relax, we've got hours. Bud really thinks I'm shooting a commercial.
GUNTHER
What a Mormon.