5
JAY PRITCHETT
So you don't like small talk. That's how I met Gloria. You remember what I said?
GLORIA DELGADO-PRITCHETT
Yes. "I like candy and I like fruit, but not together."
JAY PRITCHETT
You couldn't come up with that, Ivy League?
2
DONNIE PRITCHETT
Yeah, they caught it early, I took the treatment, I'm clear for now. Come on, it's your shot.
JAY PRITCHETT
Caught what early? Donny, are you talking about [whispering] cancer?
DONNIE PRITCHETT
You don't have to whisper. I know I got it. You just get your prostate checked. By a doctor, not some guy you met on the Internet.
1
GLORIA DELGADO-PRITCHETT
That's how you know they love you, when they're confortable enough to yell at you.
JAY PRITCHETT
Then I owe my ex-wife an apology. Apparently she was nuts about me.
1
MANNY DELGADO
Guess where the world's biggest wind generator is?
JAY PRITCHETT
Is it right behind me?
1
PHIL DUNPHY
It's Dunphy. Dunphy!
JAY PRITCHETT
Dumphy.
PHIL DUNPHY
Not Dum, dun. Dunphy.
JAY PRITCHETT
That's what I said, Dumphy.
PHIL DUNPHY
Can you say Dun?
JAY PRITCHETT
Dun.
PHIL DUNPHY
Now say Phy.
JAY PRITCHETT
Phy.
PHIL DUNPHY
Dunphy.
1
JAY PRITCHETT
[to Manny and Luke] Boys, here's the only thing you need to know about being a man. Never let someone take what is yours.
PHIL DUNPHY
Unless it's just a parking spot and there's plenty of others.
JAY PRITCHETT
That's sweet, Phil. You gotta write that down. You got any lipstick in your purse?
1
JAY PRITCHETT
Where's Cam?
MITCHELL PRITCHETT
We got into a fight. Because of him, I have a house full of Latinos
JAY PRITCHETT
Welcome to my world. So, trouble in gay paradise, huh?
MITCHELL PRITCHETT
Well, he just can't say no to anybody who needs help and why do you have to always add the word 'gay' where it doesn't belong?
0
JAY PRITCHETT
Why are you wearing a sweater? It's 95 degrees outside.
CAMERON TUCKER
It's my Christmas sweater.
JAY PRITCHETT
Judging from those pit stains, you are the Christmas sweater.
0
JAY PRITCHETT
[Sitting with Mitchell's gay friends] So what does a guy have to do to get a drink around here?
MITCHELL PRITCHETT
Nobody answer that.
0
CLAIRE DUNPHY
So you're here lecturing me about locking my bedroom door, whien you're here to erase a naked picture your wife sent me by mistake.
JAY PRITCHETT
The irony is just occuring to me.