23
AGNES BROWN
[looking at a toilet] Oh, look, there's a chip gone out of this. Someone must have shit a brick.
13
AGNES BROWN
There goes Happy Feet.
12
GRANDAD BROWN
[pointing to the turkey in the living room] What's he doing here alive?
AGNES BROWN
He's probably looking at you thinking the same fecking thing!
11
AGNES BROWN
What do you want, Grandad?
GRANDAD BROWN
I don't feel well.
AGNES BROWN
You're ninety-two, you're not supposed to fucking feel well!
9
AGNES BROWN
Dermot, what's a blow job?
DERMOT BROWN
20 quid, mammy.
AGNES BROWN
They change the fecking language every day!
9
AGNES BROWN
You've heard of Doctor Dolittle. There goes Doctor Do Fuck All.
6
DR. FLYNN
[examining Grandad] I'm afraid I'll have to do a rectal reading.
AGNES BROWN
Ooh.
DR. FLYNN
Can you help me, Mrs Brown?
AGNES BROWN
[ecstatic] With fucking pleasure! [blows air into a rubber glove]
5
AGNES BROWN
What a week, neh he he he. Jacko in a heap at the bottom of the escalator. Mrs Murphy upset about my little kissogram at her husband's funeral. And Granddad shit a nucular bomb. Isn't life a fecking rollercoaster? Good night!
4
AGNES BROWN
Granddad is the cupboard having a shit!
4
AGNES BROWN
I had four donuts before you walked in the door
WINNIE MCGOOGAN
But that'll kill ya
AGNES BROWN
I don't give a shite I won't be carrying the coffin