from QI
3
RICH HALL
[after being informed that Earth has a second moon called "Cruithne"] So why is there not one romantic song with the word Cruithne in it? "Blue Cruithne of Kentucky"? Or "Cruithne River"? Or...
ALAN DAVIES
No-one can see it, it's miles away.
STEPHEN FRY
Because it was discovered in
STEPHEN FRY
nineteen-ninety-fucking-four!
SEAN LOCK
No! That can't be right. Because the song is "Blue moon, I saw you standing alone." Not "with a small friend".
1
ALAN DAVIES
[about tortoises] My nephew's got one, and it attacks you. It actually runs and throws itself at your feet.
SEAN LOCK
You sure that's not a rabbit in a helmet?
1
STEPHEN FRY
[discussing rainbows] In Estonia they believe if you point at a rainbow your finger will fall off.
ALAN DAVIES
Oh for God sake.
STEPHEN FRY
I know.
ALAN DAVIES
Estonians aren't stupid people are they?
SEAN LOCK
[holding up his fists] They're very stumpy though.
0
SEAN LOCK
[upon hearing that Stephen's prep school tailors were called Gerring] You had a tailor for a suit you wear when you're five!
0
SEAN LOCK
This is like the Early Learning Centre.
0
STEPHEN FRY
[regarding a village in the mountains of Nuremberg, Germany] Now what did this village provide the whole world with for more than a hundred consecutive Christmases?
SEAN LOCK
War criminals.
0
SEAN LOCK
[Stephen has mentioned his prep school tailors] You had a tailor? For a suit you had made up when you were five?
STEPHEN FRY
It was a particular outfitter. The school outfitter.
SEAN LOCK
"Which side does young sir dress on?"
ALAN DAVIES
That's written on the bathroom wall!
STEPHEN FRY
Oh heavens, why did I bring it up?
SEAN LOCK
Did you have to get measured up for shorts?
STEPHEN FRY
Oh, Lord.
BILL BAILEY
"Would sir like to wear a cravat on the cross-country run?"
STEPHEN FRY
You are all such beasts.
SEAN LOCK
"I suggest a cummerbund for geography."
0
SEAN LOCK
The American cat's eyes break every time you go over them.
STEPHEN FRY
Do you know why that is?
SEAN LOCK
Because they're shit.
-3
SEAN LOCK
Banana plants, whatever they're called, walk.
STEPHEN FRY
[looking off-stage] Nurse, nurse, he's out of bed again.