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AUDREY BINGHAM
Hot tub? Jeff, you know those are bad for your sperm.
JEFF BINGHAM
Nice meal time topic, Audrey.
ADAM RHODES
Yeah, Audrey, it's kind of gross. So what's up with your sperm?
JEFF BINGHAM
I think you're making Jennifer uncomfortable.
JENNIFER
Well, what's going on down there? I mean are your guys weak or is it failure to launch?
JEFF BINGHAM
I don't want to talk about my junk.
AUDREY BINGHAM
It's not a big deal. They're our friends. We had a fertility test a while back and Jeff's boys were a little slow.
JENNIFER
I didn't even know you guys were trying.
AUDREY BINGHAM
Well, we're trying to be trying. The doctor gave Jeff a list of things he should do like wearing loose underwear, taking supplements and staying out of hot tubs.
JEFF BINGHAM
Yeah, and I've been doing most of that. I just fell off the wagon a little bit.
AUDREY BINGHAM
What's a little bit?
JEFF BINGHAM
I may have forgotten to refill the supplements and when I play softball I wear tighty whiteys.
AUDREY BINGHAM
God, Are you kidding?
JEFF BINGHAM
I tried wearing boxers but when I ran it felt like someone was shooting dice in my pants.
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AUDREY BINGHAM
So when are we gonna tell them that we found the bowl at our place?
JEFF BINGHAM
Oh when it stops being fun.
AUDREY BINGHAM
[laughs] It is fun.
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BRAD
Hey, if you're interested me and some pals are getting together at a sports bar to watch the first play-off game, you're welcome to join.
JEFF BINGHAM
Sports and bar, my two favorite words.
AUDREY BINGHAM
You still have wife on that list?
JEFF BINGHAM
Right between re-fill and bacon.
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JEFF BINGHAM
Super sperm.
ADAM RHODES
And the doctor actually used those words?
JEFF BINGHAM
Yes he did. It's like a koi pond down there.
RUSSELL DUNBAR
Waitress, could you cancel my fish and chips please?
ADAM RHODES
I thought your boys were slow?
JEFF BINGHAM
Turns out they were just mild mannered like Clark Kent
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JEFF BINGHAM
If I die, are you gonna get remarried?
AUDREY BINGHAM
Yeah, maybe.
JEFF BINGHAM
Do me a favor, cremate me and throw my ashes in his face.
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JENNIFER
Oh God, Adam, look at the caption.
ADAM RHODES
Jennifer Morgan to wed [sighs] Madam Rhodes! No! No! They, they totally ruined my hetero picture...
JENNIFER
At least it's a small town, not that many people will see it.
JEFF BINGHAM
Oh no, they've got an online edition. Well, I got a busy night ahead of me so...
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JEFF BINGHAM
How great would it be if I cracked this open and a chicken flew out?
ADAM RHODES
That would be unbelievable. We would be talking about it forever.
JEFF BINGHAM
Plus I'd sue this place for millions, buy a house in the woods, maybe a boat.
ADAM RHODES
Aah man, why didn't I order an egg?
JEFF BINGHAM
And I'd have to grow some corn.
ADAM RHODES
Why?
JEFF BINGHAM
To feed the million dollar chicken, that's my boy.
AUDREY BINGHAM
So, this is an actual conversation?
JEFF BINGHAM
Hey, you're the one who always ask me what I'm thinking about
AUDREY BINGHAM
Not anymore.
0
JEFF BINGHAM
Ok. Great. So, how much do you need?
DOCTOR
Excuse me?
AUDREY BINGHAM
He's just a little nervous. Honey, you just do your thing once and they will take what they need.
JEFF BINGHAM
Oh, ok. So, can we have your office for about 10 minutes? Doc?
AUDREY BINGHAM
Jeff!
DOCTOR
Actually, we have a private room in which you can produce the sample.
JEFF BINGHAM
By myself?
AUDREY BINGHAM
Yes. The moment you've been practicing for all these years.
JEFF BINGHAM
She's just kidding. I don't...
DOCTOR
It's fine.
JEFF BINGHAM
Ok, I do.
DOCTOR
In the room you will find an assortment of visual aids.
JEFF BINGHAM
Sex magazines?
DOCTOR
Yes
JEFF BINGHAM
Nice. Where are they stashed?
DOCTOR
They're right there in plain view.
JEFF BINGHAM
Very nice.
JEFF BINGHAM
Wow. Interview with Brett Favre.
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AUDREY BINGHAM
[banging on door] C'mon Jeff, you don't have to read all the magazines.
JEFF BINGHAM
Dammit! You made me miss.
AUDREY BINGHAM
What ?
JEFF BINGHAM
You made me miss. You knocked just as I was teeing off and I shanked it.
AUDREY BINGHAM
Are you nude ?
JEFF BINGHAM
If I'm gonna do this, I'm going to do it right. And, why did you knock ?
AUDREY BINGHAM
Well, I'm sorry but you were taking forever.
JEFF BINGHAM
I was romancing myself.
AUDREY BINGHAM
Why? You know how easy you are...
JEFF BINGHAM
With you maybe. With myself, I like a little foreplay. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna take a quick nap, and then play the back nine.
0
AUDREY BINGHAM
I don't think I can enjoy myself... here all weekend, alright come on, we're out of here.
JEFF BINGHAM
OK I'll see you Sunday at seven.