1
BUBBA BEXLEY
Hi, Fred!
FRED G. SANFORD
That's Committee Man Fred.
BUBBA BEXLEY
What did you commit?
FRED G. SANFORD
I'm committing you, Bubba, to the home where the senile roam.
1
MRS. CHANNING
Well, I never!
FRED G. SANFORD
Well, maybe if you try wearin' a mask.
1
FRED G. SANFORD
You see, saving junk is my specialty.
MR. WILKINS
Yes, I can tell by your outfit.
1
FRED G. SANFORD
Listen, I went through a lot of expense to make this a romantic evening. I even got some pink Champagne chilling in the refrigerator.
LAMONT SANFORD
You bought Champagne?
FRED G. SANFORD
Well, not really. It's really ginger ale and Ripple. See, I call it Champipple.
1
FRED G. SANFORD
Redd Foxx is my idol. I love him. I love the way he spells his name with two d's and two x's.
LAMONT SANFORD
I wonder why he does that.
FRED G. SANFORD
I don't know about the two d's, but I saw his nightclub act once, and I know why they got all them x's!
1
FRED G. SANFORD
[Muttering after a persistent door knocker cuts short Fred's hugging and kissing Donna] Just my kinda luck. Knockus interruptus.
1
FRED G. SANFORD
[Contesting Bubba's play in Scrabble] There's no such word as "gazinta"!
BUBBA BEXLEY
There is so. It's an arithmetic word.
FRED G. SANFORD
Gazinta?
BUBBA BEXLEY
Sure. Two gazinta four; four gazinta eight.
FRED G. SANFORD
[Raising fist] And five gazinta your lips!
1
LAMONT SANFORD
Hey, Pop, why don't you face it, your songs are stupid!
FRED G. SANFORD
They are not stupid. I write about real emotion. Things everyone knows and feels.
LAMONT SANFORD
[Looking at Fred's lyric sheet] "I Left My Heart in El Segundo"?
1
LAMONT SANFORD
Honest Hal? Pop, with a name like Honest Hal, he couldn't possibly be honest.
FRED G. SANFORD
Why not? Tricky Dicky was tricky.
1
HANK
If you call off your pickets, we'll give you a stereo free.
LAMONT SANFORD
Hey, my Pop wouldn't sell out the Gray Foxes for a mere stereo.
FRED G. SANFORD
Uh, yeah, you're right, son. However, if you threw in a free record collection...
LAMONT SANFORD
But Pop?
HANK
Anything you want!
FRED G. SANFORD
You got any Isaac Hayes and Leslie Uggams?
HANK
We certainly do!
LAMONT SANFORD
What about ethics and morality?
FRED G. SANFORD
Yeah, throw them in too with Earth, Wind & Fire.