5
SEAN CONNERY
It looks like this is my lucky day! I'll take "The Rapists" for $200.
ALEX TREBEK
That's "therapists", not "the rapists".
4
ALEX TREBEK
Of Simon and Garfunkel, the one that is not Garfunkel.
ALEX TREBEK
Sean Connery.
SEAN CONNERY
Can you repeat the question?
ALEX TREBEK
Of Simon and Garfunkel, the one that is not Garfunkel.
SEAN CONNERY
I Garfunkeled your mother.
4
ALEX TREBEK
Let's see what Mr. Cage put... and your podium is missing.
NICOLAS CAGE
I don't know where it went. I'm confused.
ALEX TREBEK
Let's see what Calista Flockhart put for an answer. Nothing. And your wager? Nothing!
CALISTA FLOCKHART
The pen was too heavy.
SEAN CONNERY
I've got to ask you about 'The Penis Mightier'.
ALEX TREBEK
The what? No, that's 'The Pen Is Mightier, Mr. Connery.
SEAN CONNERY
Gussy it up all you want, Trebek, what matters is: does it work? Will it really mighty my penis, man?!
NICOLAS CAGE
Wait, wait, are you guys selling penis mightiers?
ALEX TREBEK
No!
ALEX TREBEK
Let's see your answer. Oh, I'm sorry, that must be your wager: a buck. And your answer is..."Futter". Buck Futter. I don't get it.
SEAN CONNERY
Oh...I think you do, Trebek. Think you do, indeed.
ALEX TREBEK
Well, thanks for joining us.
SEAN CONNERY
Buck Futter!
4
ALEX TREBEK
"Japan US Relations." I have no idea what that category is doing up there.
SEAN CONNERY
I had relations this morning, Trebek. Hope we didn't wake you; your mother's a screamer.
2
SEAN CONNERY
Knock, knock.
ALEX TREBEK
Who's there?
SEAN CONNERY
Me, the guy who slept with your mother last night!
2
ALEX TREBEK
Why don't you pick a category?
SEAN CONNERY
I've got to ask you... about the Penis Mightier.
ALEX TREBEK
[Trebek looks to the board... ] The what? No, No, NO, that's "The Pen is Mightier".
SEAN CONNERY
Gussy it up however ya want, Trebek, what matters is, does it work, will it really mighty my penis man?
ALEX TREBEK
It's not a product Mr. Connery.
SEAN CONNERY
Because I've ordered devices like that before, wasted a pretty penny, I don't mind tellin' ya! And if the Penis Mightier really works, I'll order a dozen!
ALEX TREBEK
It's not a Penis Mightier, Mr. Connery! There's no such thing!
NICOLAS CAGE
Wait... Wait... Wait... Are you selling Penis Mightiers?
ALEX TREBEK
NO! No I'm not!
SEAN CONNERY
Well you're sitting on a gold mine Trebek!
2
SEAN CONNERY
[the category is "Japan-US Relations"] I'll take "Jap anus relations" for $200.
1
SEAN CONNERY
I pose a conundrum to you, a riddle if you will.
ALEX TREBEK
[as Alex Trebeck] I don't want to hear it.
SEAN CONNERY
What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold. One's a sick duck... I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore.
1
ALEX TREBEK
[the category is "The Letter that comes after "B"] The word cat would be found under this letter in the dictionary. [Sean Connery buzzes in] . Sean Connery?
SEAN CONNERY
I believe you'd find that in the R section.
ALEX TREBEK
No, not in the "R's".
SEAN CONNERY
Not in the "R's"? That's not what your mother said.
1
ALEX TREBEK
French Stewart? The sound a dog makes.
FRENCH STEWART
Um... Who is John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band, thank you very much. I'll take Animal Sounds for 800.
ALEX TREBEK
No. Good lord. We would've accepted "bow wow" or "ruff."
SEAN CONNERY
Oh, rough. Just the way your mother likes it, eh Trebek?