13
TIG
So you stole an ambulance?
JUICE
I had nothing to do with this.
HALF-SACK
Hell, these things are worth, like, a hundred grand, easy.
CLAY
Yeah, they are. That's why the people who buy 'em are, like, state and federal agencies. So, uh, what? You want me to sell a stolen vehicle to the government?
HALF-SACK
Oh, uh, just something like a small hospital or something.
CLAY
Oh, like, uh, Uncle Freddy's Infirmary?
TIG
Why don't you just steal, like, a fire engine? And then we could have our own rescue center. We could have our own little uniforms and hats.
3
JAX
Some days you're the Beamer, some days you're the goddamn deer.
CHIBS
Some yuppie creamed it out by the streams.
JAX
He run into it or hit a tree while it was giving him head?
HALF-SACK
How the hell you want me to get it out of there? [Jax gets a chainsaw] Come on. Jesus, man.
JAX
Just pretend its carve your own steak night at the sizzler.
HALF-SACK
I don't eat meat, man.
JAX
Figure it out, grunt.
0
HALF-SACK
[about his prosthetic testicle] It's a little bit painful when I ride. Sometimes I feel it when I walk. Other than that, back to normal.
TIG
Is it gay that I want to see it?
BOBBY MUNSON
Gay curious.
TIG
Come on, drop 'em.
BOBBY MUNSON
Showtime.
HAPPY
Is it supposed to be that swollen?
HALF-SACK
Think so.
TIG
They look uneven.
-2
HALF-SACK
[about Gemma] Hey, I gotta admit. Clay's old lady gave me a serious MILF chubby. [notices Clay]...Hey, I brought the car out of the garage. It's clear now...so, uh...
CLAY
Clip a truck from Unser's tonight. Make it look like you stole it. Cancer boy wants deniability. :[Clay leaves]
TIG
MILF Chubby?
HALF-SACK
It's like a compliment, you know? Cause, she's hot.
-6
CLAY
I step outside for five minutes, you can't watch him?
PINEY
I was in the can.
HALF-SACK
I was getting him the soft toilet paper. He hates the scratchy kind.
CLAY
Well I'm glad your ass is feeling loved.