-1
SHELDON COOPER
Need I remind you not a lot of scientific discoveries were made by people having a good time?
-1
SHELDON COOPER
I don't know your odds in the world as a whole, but as far as the population of this car goes, you're a veritable mac daddy.
-1
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
Why did you eat dinner with us?
SHELDON COOPER
I didn't want you guys to feel bad. Howard had informed me that my allegiance be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
Are you sure he didn't say bros before hos?
SHELDON COOPER
Well, I changed the phrasing so as not to offend the hos.
-1
SHELDON COOPER
Where are you going?
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
I'm having dinner with Priya at Raj's. I think Howard's gonna be there; you wanna join us?
SHELDON COOPER
But tonight's Thursday. On Thursdays, everybody comes over here and has pizza, or a reasonable facsimile prepared by someone claiming to be Luigi, but who sounds suspiciously like Jackie Chan.
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
Can we make a one time exception for tonight.
SHELDON COOPER
We could. We could also stop using the letter M, but I think that idea is isguided and oronic.
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
Just come with me to Raj's.
SHELDON COOPER
I don't want to go to a party.
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
It's not a party; it's the same group of people who hang out here hanging out over there.
SHELDON COOPER
I'm sorry, but 5 people eating and chatting is a party.
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
How come it's not a party when we do it over here?
SHELDON COOPER
Because we don't throw parties.
-1
BARRY KRIPKE
You're not afwaid of heights, are you?
SHELDON COOPER
Fear of heights is irrational. Fear of falling, however, is prudent and evolutionary.
-1
PENNY
[to Howard] Y'know, I think I know how you did the card trick.
SHELDON COOPER
Oh, please. If I don't know, you don't know. That's axiomatic.
PENNY
C'mere. [whispers in Howard's ear]
HOWARD WOLOWITZ
You're right.
PENNY
Not too bad for someone who doesn't know what "axiomatic" means.
-1
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
Hey, where've you been?
SHELDON COOPER
I'll tell you where I've been. You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee, and gotten autographed comics, but I got to see the inside of his house, and got a signed form for a restraining order from him.
HOWARD WOLOWITZ
Sweet?
SHELDON COOPER
Plus I get to hang out with him again, at the hearing. [Walks off to his room] This will look great next to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.
-1
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
Sheldon has a photographic memory.
SHELDON COOPER
Photographic memory is a misnomer. The correct term is eidetic memory, as I've told you countless times, like in May 7th during lunch. You complained your turkey was dry.
-1
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
[to Sheldon, Howard, and Raj, who have come to assist him in getting money that Penny's ex-boyfriend owes her] Okay, is everyone clear on the plan?
HOWARD WOLOWITZ
Yes. Koothrapalli's going to wet himself, I'm going to throw up, Sheldon's going to run away, and you're going to die. Shall we synchronize our watches?
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
Excuse me, there are four of us and one of him.
SHELDON COOPER
Which means his triumph will be even larger. Minstrels will write songs about him.
-1
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
[about the time machine] The lights flash, and the dish spins. You wanna try it?
PENNY
No, I don't wanna try it! My God, you are grown men! How could you waste your lives with these stupid toys and costumes, and comic books, and-and... now that-that...
SHELDON COOPER
Again—time machine.
PENNY
Oh, please, that's not a time machine. If anything, it looks like something Elton John would drive through the Everglades.
SHELDON COOPER
It only moves in time. It would be less than worthless in a swamp.
PENNY
Pathetic! ALL of you, COMPLETELY pathetic!