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HOMER SIMPSON
Aah! A bear is eating my father!
SELMA BOUVIER
I'm Selma.
HOMER SIMPSON
Aah! A talking bear is eating my father!
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KRUSTY THE CLOWN
Hello, I'm collecting for the Brotherhood of Jewish Clowns. Last year, tornadoes claimed the lives of seventy-five Jewish clowns. The worst incident was outside our convention in Lubbock, Texas. [choking up] There were floppy shoes and rainbow wigs everywhere! [sobs] It was terrible...!
HOMER SIMPSON
Wait a minute. Is this a religious thing?
KRUSTY THE CLOWN
A religious clown thing, yes.
HOMER SIMPSON
Sorry.
KRUSTY THE CLOWN
Well, bless you anyw... [Homer shuts the door on him]
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TOWNSPEOPLE
Aye!
MAYOR QUIMBY
And all those against horsewhipping Homer J. Simpson?
HOMER SIMPSON
Nay?
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TOWNSPEOPLE
crowd cheers as prostitutes leave Flanders' house after being told off and thrown out by Flanders
NED FLANDERS
I can't believe it. Everybody knew this was happening at my house and laughed at me. Well Homer, I guess you're the only true friend I have around here.
MOE SZYSLAK
What are you talking about? Homer's the one who informed us of the sexy going-ons.
HOMER SIMPSON
I'm sorry Flanders I couldn't tell you. I had to do it. It was just too funny.
NED FLANDERS
The bible says to cast thy food upon the waters but all I got was soggy bread.
HOMER SIMPSON
Mmm! Soggy bre...
NED FLANDERS
Homer, this is not the time for that now.
HOMER SIMPSON
...ead!
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BART SIMPSON
Dad, Lisa's making me see both sides again!
HOMER SIMPSON
Lisa, what did I tell you about that?
LISA SIMPSON
But dad, shouldn't Bart see both sides to make an informed decision?
HOMER SIMPSON
Well... But... Aw, now you've got me doing it!
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HOMER SIMPSON
Grand Funk Railroad paved the way for Jefferson airplane, which cleared the way for Jefferson starship. The stage was now set for the Alan Parsons project, which I believe was some sort of hovercraft.
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HOMER SIMPSON
...And the whole steel mill was gay.
MOE SZYSLAK
Jeez, where ya been, Homer? The whole steel *industry's* gay.
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MARGE SIMPSON
That's one month of homework? It seems like a lot for a young boy.
HOMER SIMPSON
I say he should get more homework. I don't have to help him, do I?
PRINCIPAL SKINNER
No.
HOMER SIMPSON
Pile it on! I want him to be Korean by the time he's done.
1
HOMER SIMPSON
Okay, don't panic. Remember what the instructor said...
SKI INSTRUCTOR
[thought bubble] If you get into any trouble, all you have to do is...
NED FLANDERS
[thought bubble] Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all... nothing at all... nothing at all!...
HOMER SIMPSON
AH! Stupid sexy Flanders.
HOMER SIMPSON
Ow, my leg! This is the worst pain ever! [Homer gets repeatedly hit in the crotch by snow mounds]
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PRINCIPAL SKINNER
And now our evening comes to an end...
HOMER SIMPSON
Woo hoo!
PRINCIPAL SKINNER
...with a thorough retelling of the life of George Washington.
HOMER SIMPSON
D'oh!