2
SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR
You could put a sign in the window saying 'Two Chairs - No Waiting.'
FLOYD LAWSON
Two chairs... and I've got the magazines to swing it!
1
ANDY TAYLOR
Floyd.
FLOYD LAWSON
What's the matter?
ANDY TAYLOR
My sideburns.
FLOYD LAWSON
Your sideburns - what's the matter with your sideburns?
ANDY TAYLOR
Why, they're both even.
FLOYD LAWSON
Well, I'll be dogged. How'd that happen?
ANDY TAYLOR
I declare, Floyd, I believe you're getting the hang of it. And looka there - they're the right length and everything.
1
FLOYD LAWSON
[while looking at himself in the mirror] Wretch, wretch! Deceitful wretch!
1
ERNEST T. BASS
[yelling at Malcom Merriweather] I'm warning you! Now today is Thursday. If you're still here on... what's the day after Thursday?
FLOYD LAWSON
Uh Friday.
ERNEST T. BASS
Right. If you're still here on Friday, which is the day after Thursday, I'll WHOOP the fire outta you.
0
FLOYD LAWSON
If I keep this up I'll probably end up with a barber's claw from holding the shears all day.
0
GOOBER PYLE
Floyd made the diagnosis.
ANDY TAYLOR
Floyd, what do you know about whiplash?
FLOYD LAWSON
What do you mean? A barber does a lot of work around the back of the neck.
-1
FLOYD LAWSON
You know, everyone complains about the weather but nobody does anything about it. Calvin Coolidge said that.
ANDY TAYLOR
No, Floyd, that wasn't Calvin Coolidge that said that, it was Mark Twain.
FLOYD LAWSON
Then what did Calvin Coolidge say?