2
PENNY
Okay, here's the deal: you either you help me throw Leonard a birthday party, or so help me, God, I will go into your bedroom, and unbag all of your most valuable, mint-condition comic books and, on one of them, you won't know which, I'll draw a tiny little happy face in ink.
SHELDON COOPER
You can't do that! If you make a mark in a mint comic book, it's no longer mint.
PENNY
Sheldon, do you understand the concept of blackmail?
SHELDON COOPER
Well, of course I... Oh... Hey, I have an idea: let's throw Leonard a kick-ass birthday party!
2
SHELDON COOPER
[frustrated in trying to figure out Howard's magic trick] This deck is rigged in some fashion.
HOWARD WOLOWITZ
Fine. Get another deck and I'll do the trick with that [one].
SHELDON COOPER
So you're saying this is a regulation deck?
HOWARD WOLOWITZ
[shouting] I'm saying, believe in magic, you Muggle!
2
SHELDON COOPER
Do you know where the term jibber-jabber comes from?
PENNY
Oh, my God, you're about to jibber-jabber about jibber-jabber.
2
PENNY
Hey Look, it's Shamy.
AMY FARRAH FOWLER
Shamy?
SHELDON COOPER
Juvenile amalgamation of our names. Sheldon, Amy. Shamy.
AMY FARRAH FOWLER
Oh. I don't like that. Don't do that.
PENNY
[laughing nervously] All righty. What's new?
AMY FARRAH FOWLER
Well, just recently I learned that you refer to us as Shamy, and I don't like that.
PENNY
I got that. What I was going for was, you know, how is your life?
AMY FARRAH FOWLER
Just like everyone else's. Subject to entropy, decay, and eventual death. Thank you for asking.
2
AMY FARRAH FOWLER
Well, this isn't a crisis, why don't you just let your hair grow out a lil'.
SHELDON COOPER
Why don't I let my hair grow out? Um, why don't a start wearing Birkinstocks, and seeking validation of my opinions by asking 'Can you dig it?".
AMY FARRAH FOWLER
I don't know. I think you might look sexy with long hair. With the kind that... flows down to your shoulders, and blows back while riding on a horse. Bare back and bare chested... I'm gonna go brush my teeth, it might take a while.
2
PENNY
Wow, Sheldon, I cannot believe you made up your own game.
SHELDON COOPER
Oh, "Research Lab" is more than a game. Like the slogan says, "the physics is theoretical, but the fun is real."
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
We must not be playing it right.
2
SHELDON COOPER
But then some poor woman is going to pin her hopes on my sperm, what if she winds up with a toddler that doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve for the area under a curve?
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
I'm sure she'll still love him.
SHELDON COOPER
I wouldn't.
2
SHELDON COOPER
Do you want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
Not really.
SHELDON COOPER
[going on anyway] If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimeters, most people will trip.
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
I don't care. [thinks about it] Two milli - that doesn't seem right.
SHELDON COOPER
It's true - I did a series of experiments when I was twelve. My father broke his clavicle.
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
Is that why they sent you to boarding school?
SHELDON COOPER
No - that was the result of my work with lasers.
2
HOWARD WOLOWITZ
I'm so glad you're learning Mandarin.
SHELDON COOPER
Why?
HOWARD WOLOWITZ
Because then you'll have a billion people to annoy instead of me.
2
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
So, tell us about you.
PENNY
Um, me? Okay - I'm a Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.
SHELDON COOPER
Yes - it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.
PENNY
[stares at Sheldon in utter confusion] Participateinthewhat?
LEONARD HOFSTADTER
[scrambling to save face] I think what Sheldon is trying to say is that Sagittarius wouldn't have been our first guess.
PENNY
Oh, yeah - lot of people think I'm a water sign.