23
HUEY FREEMAN
[checking the internet to find the truth about Catcher Freeman] Excuse me, everyone. I think we can resolve this quickly. Catcher Tobias Lynchwater, better known as Catcher Freeman, was a house slave on Colonel Lynchwater's plantation. He was also Colonel Lynchwater's son, although the Colonel never claimed him.
ROBERT 'GRANDDAD' FREEMAN
Wait, what? Master's son? Uh uh. No, no, no, that can't be!
HUEY FREEMAN
He is believed to have written the first screenplay in secret, several years before the invention of the motion picture industry.
UNCLE RUCKUS
What website is that? MadeUpMonkeyShit.com?
22
UNCLE RUCKUS
I got somethin' for a fraternity for niggas. A fraternity of bananas up a tree! (barks like a dog, then laughs). Black fraternities should have a name, like boogedy boogedy! Hey, I got a black fraternity for ya, it's called prison! Jail Fi Jail, nigga!
19
UNCLE RUCKUS
We will use the tools that God gave us to fight the nigger: The whip, the noose, the nightstick, the branding iron. These things strike fear into the heart of the nigger. The job application.
18
UNCLE RUCKUS
Shut yo' preachin' ass up, you son of a bitch! [throws a brick at Dr. King]
13
UNCLE RUCKUS
Oh, there was three of them. Two black nigga men and one black nigga woman. Oh, they each had big black lips, big black nostrils and a big black attitude problem.
12
UNCLE RUCKUS
Hey there Robert! I'd offer to help you with your bags, but you a coon!
10
UNCLE RUCKUS
Don't trust them new niggers over there!
10
LINCOLN
[Lincoln and his thugs pull their guns on Ruckus] Where's Gangstalicious?
UNCLE RUCKUS
Say that again? I couldn't hear you over the sound of me shittin' myself.
8
UNCLE RUCKUS
People say there's no difference between the races. But I tell ya what that I've been cleaning bathrooms for a long time and I can say that white man (Beep) don't smell the same as black African (Beep). See, the white man just got a better liver,white man eats his meat raw. See that's healthier, he calls it tartar. (A white male gets out of a bathroom stall with his pants halfway down) Now how you doin' on this fine day sir? (White male becomes uneasy,stammers and his pants fall down, exposing his boxer shorts) May I say your dookie smells like sparkling ice water with a twist of lime. (White male exits men's room with his pants still halfway down). See? That's why he don't have to wash his hands neither! Yes sir, white man has impeccable hygiene.
4
UNCLE RUCKUS
Hang that nigger now! I even got my own rope right here.