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HUMPHREY BOGART
I'm entitled to one phone call, ain't I? Gimme a dime I'll go down to the drugstore.
JACK BENNY
Oh, no you don't. You'll make your call here where I can keep an eye on you.
BOB HOPE
And save a dime.
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BOB HOPE
[on being on a CBS show] I feel like Zsa Zsa at a P.T.A. meeting.
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JACK BENNY
[poking his head through the stage curtains] Bob, will you please give me my pants back?
BOB HOPE
Put your head back through there, or I'll start handing out baseballs to the audience.
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DON WILSON
[Poking his head through the curtains] Bob, Bob, quick, give me Jack's pants
BOB HOPE
Why do you want Jack's pants?
DON WILSON
Because I had to give him mine.
BOB HOPE
You mean, Jack's actually wearing your pants?
JACK BENNY
[out of shot] Darn right I am.
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JACK BENNY
[pointing a pistol at Bob's trousers] I'm going to blow your brains out.
BOB HOPE
Let's not do any jokes we didn't plan on, eh.
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BOB HOPE
This is rather strange for me, I'm on the major network. [mouths ABC]
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BOB HOPE
[about Bing Crosby] He's up in Nevada looking over Boulder Dam - his piggy bank is filled. He's so loaded, you know, he uses Howard Hughes for a bell boy.
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BOB HOPE
By the way, this is where Bing did his last show and I think they've done very nicely. They've gotten most of it out of the curtains.
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BOB HOPE
[finding some coins tied with string in Jack's trousers] When you ask this kid for a loan, and he says his money is tied up, he isn't kidding. This is an obstacle course for pickpockets.
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BOB HOPE
Welcome to the Lucky Strike Program. In just a few minutes, you'll see our star, Gypsy Rose Benny.