12
STANLEY HUDSON
Yes, I have a dream, and it's not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button that I can press, and launch that lighthouse into space.
8
STANLEY HUDSON
Collard.
MICHAEL SCOTT
What?
STANLEY HUDSON
They're called "collard" greens.
MICHAEL SCOTT
No, no. That's offensive. They're not called "collard" people.
6
DWIGHT SCHRUTE
Don’t you want to earn Schrute bucks?
STANLEY HUDSON
No. In fact, I’ll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.
DWIGHT SCHRUTE
What’s the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?
STANLEY HUDSON
The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
3
MICHAEL SCOTT
How can I get you to stay?
STANLEY HUDSON
Money.
MICHAEL SCOTT
Tell me why you're really leaving.
MICHAEL SCOTT
More money, more problems, Stanley. You of all people should know that. Let me ask you this; if I were...
3
KEVIN MALONE
I know what's right, but I'm not gonna say because you're all jerks who didn't come see my band last night.
RYAN HOWARD
Do you really know which one is correct?
KEVIN MALONE
I don't know.
PAM BEESLY
It's "whom" when it's the object of the sentence and "who" when it's the subject.
PHYLLIS LAPIN
That sounds right.
MICHAEL SCOTT
Well, it sounds right, but is it?
STANLEY HUDSON
How did Ryan use it? As an object.
RYAN HOWARD
As an object.
KELLY KAPOOR
Ryan used me as an object.
STANLEY HUDSON
Is he right about that?
PAM BEESLY
How did he use it again?
TOBY FLENDERSON
It was Ryan wanted Michael, the subject, to explain the computer system, the object...
MICHAEL SCOTT
Thank you.
TOBY FLENDERSON
...to whomever, meaning us, the indirect object, which is the correct usage of the word.
MICHAEL SCOTT
No one asked you anything, ever. So whomever's name is Toby, why don't you take a letter opener and stick it into your skull?
2
STANLEY HUDSON
I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They always complain. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles. I'm constantly hungry. Do you think my nipples don't get sore, too? Do you think I don't need to know the fastest way to the hospital?
2
PHYLLIS LAPIN
Hi, guys. Does everyone know my boyfriend, Bob Vance?
KEVIN MALONE
Kevin Malone.
BOB VANCE
Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
STANLEY HUDSON
Stanley Hudson.
BOB VANCE
Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
RYAN HOWARD
Ryan Howard.
BOB VANCE
Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
RYAN HOWARD
What line of work you in, Bob?
1
MICHAEL SCOTT
[choosing team names for the company's beach day] We are going to choose team names. Dwight.
DWIGHT SCHRUTE
We will be called Gryffindor.
JIM HALPERT
Really? Not Slytherin?
DWIGHT SCHRUTE
Slytherin are the bad guys, Jim.
JIM HALPERT
I know. Okay, we will be Voldemort.
DWIGHT SCHRUTE
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? I wouldn't do that.
JIM HALPERT
[with his team, while Dwight tells them not to] Voldemort. Voldemort. Voldemort. Voldemort. Voldemort.
MICHAEL SCOTT
Idiots. Idiots. Okay, okay. Stanley, your team name?
STANLEY HUDSON
I don't care what you name my team.
MICHAEL SCOTT
Then I will name your team the Red Team.
STANLEY HUDSON
No, the Blue Team.
1
MICHAEL SCOTT
[Carol exits office after breaking up with Michael] I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is canceled.
STANLEY HUDSON
You can't cancel a holiday.
MICHAEL SCOTT
Yes... I... Jim, take New Years away from Stanley
1
MICHAEL SCOTT
Why is she trying to take Stanley from us?
STANLEY HUDSON
I think it's because of my sales record.
MICHAEL SCOTT
That could not possibly be it.