26
TORI VEGA
Eat your pants!
JADE WEST
You eat your pants. Wait!
MR. SIKOWITZ
Ehh, sorry Jade, but the next letter was...
JADE WEST
F, I know!
18
JADE WEST
[acting in the movie] 'Monica. Monica. Do not die on me. Wake up. I mean it. Wake up. Come on.' [she slaps Cat across the face]
CAT VALENTINE
Unh. Ow!
TORI VEGA
Cut!
JADE WEST
What?
TORI VEGA
You're not supposed to hit her.
JADE WEST
I felt that's what my character would do.
CAT VALENTINE
My face hurts.
TORI VEGA
Can we try it again without the physical assault?
11
ANDRE HARRIS
I've always gotten A's in music. How does a person go from an A to a D?
JADE WEST
It happened to me in the eighth grade.
9
MR. SIKOWITZ
Ready? Drive-by acting exercise: You're all angry Englishman. Go!
ROBBIE SHAPIRO
I insist you tell me who sat on me crumpit!
JADE WEST
My grandmummy went to the loo while I snogged the Prime Minister!
ANDRE HARRIS
This flock of Whip-poor-wills is bothering my trousers!
CAT VALENTINE
Good heavens! There's a dead cockroach in my brassiere!
REX
Blimey!
BECK OLIVER
I told you not to put plump sauce on me banger!
7
CAT VALENTINE
Can you please tell her not to slap me?
DALE SQUIRES
She should do whatever feels right.
JADE WEST
[to Cat] Lie down.
TORI VEGA
[while Jade is slapping Cat] Um. Jade. Um. I'll go get some ice.
6
JADE WEST
But the most surprising part happened at the end when the moster gauge out Priscilla's eyes, which for whatever reason I found really funny.
6
BECK OLIVER
If you were my girlfriend...
JADE WEST
[sarcastically] Uggh! Great way to start the question.
BECK OLIVER
Would you be all freaked out that I'm just friends with Alyssa Vaughn?
JADE WEST
Who cares what she thinks?
TORI VEGA
Honestly, I wouldn't love it.
JADE WEST
*I* care what she thinks.
5
JADE WEST
2 million views in one day.
ANDRE HARRIS
And Dale Squires is taking all the credit.
JADE WEST
And he keeps deleting all my very creative negative comments.
5
ANDRE HARRIS
[singing and playing piano] My grandpa has a nose and my grandma has a nose. Everyone you know has a nose, nose, nose.
JADE WEST
My grandfather's nose was blown off in the war, so that song is a filthy lie.
5
TORI VEGA
[in a thick New Jersey accent] Why don't you stop invading my personal space, and have a little of this raisin bran?
BECK OLIVER
[in a thick Cockney accent] I'm game, so pop a dabble in me mouth.
JADE WEST
[in a fake southern accent] Well. Aren't you havin' a fun time eatin' raisin brain together?
JADE WEST
Just be careful now, Mr. British Man. 'Cause who knows what terrible things could happen if that continues.